Excuse Me While I Interrupt Our Regularly Scheduled Programming

I had an installment for the story planned for tonight, I swear.

But instead of being able to come home and write after work, I found myself needing to come home and become reacquainted with my bathtub and dilaudid.

I burst another cyst around 3:00 this afternoon. One minute I was fine, just going through my day at work, and the next the pain started stabbing and radiating around my right side, making it almost impossible for me to breathe.

I knew as it started to come on, but I kept telling myself I would be fine.

Until I wasn’t.

Shaking, and fighting back the urge to throw up I was hurting so badly.

I hate how quickly it comes on.

And even more, I hate that I’ve now gotten to the point where I know exactly what is happening when it does.

More than anything though, I hate the embarrassment I feel going through something like that at work. Hurting so bad I can’t stop shaking or fighting back the tears.

Thankfully, I have some amazing co-workers who got me home. I resisted going to the emergency room right away, knowing that I had dilaudid here from my last burst cyst and that in reality – all they would do for me there is assist with pain management.

I’ve been through this before, and frankly – I had no interest in dealing with that ass face doctor I’ve now had to see upon two of my visits to the ER.

Plus, it’s now the 4th of January. Meaning all my deductibles with health insurance have been reset.

The free ride I’ve enjoyed since meeting my out of pocket max with surgery last year is no more.

I haven’t quite made it through the worst yet, but having dilaudid on hand has definitely made managing the pain on my own possible.

Which I suppose means I should be thankful to Dr. Assface at least a little bit, if not for having any bedside manner at all, at least for having enough trust in the pain I was in after finally seeing confirmation on an ultrasound to send me home with a strong enough medication to get me through if ever it happened again.

I hate that it happened again, but I just keep telling myself… women burst cysts every single day without ever having endometriosis. My stepsister is actually a prime example of this. My dad said she just had another burst last week – describing and feeling exactly what I feel every time it happens as well.

And she does not have endo.

I’ve been doing well, and even my periods have been manageable with no need for anything stronger than ibuprofen lately.

My day to day pain has been practically non-existent.

This isn’t endo. It’s just… my body.

Sometimes I hate my body.

But I’m doing OK right now. Being taken care of by the world’s most amazing roommate. I haven’t puked in an hour, and my fever hasn’t risen above 100. I’m about to take one more pain pill, and then as that wears off hopefully the worst will have passed.

Unfortunately though, I’ve been too curled up with my heating pad or in my tub to get any real writing done today.

Fret not though – I have a feeling that tomorrow is going to be a long day spent in bed. Recovering, and writing, and reading.

Have I ever mentioned how incredibly lucky I am to have a job that comes not only with amazing health insurance, but also with a team of co-workers who are unbelievably flexible and understanding when it comes to me needing to take care of myself.

If ever I am driven to forget, or start to find myself becoming restless, it’s incidents like this that remind me.

I’m lucky.

Blessed even.

And I don’t just think that’s the drugs talking.