That’s the way the song goes, right?
So why is it that Christmas has a way of bringing me down, even when I was otherwise feeling pretty good?
I can’t explain it. It’s just this loneliness that comes with the holidays, even though I’m not alone. Even though I’m surrounded by friends, and love, and offers to go here and there and would theoretically never have to be by myself for a single second over the holidays if I didn’t actually want to be.
How is it though, that you can be surrounded by people and still feel so very alone?
I don’t want to make it sound like I’m sinking into the depths of despair, because I’m not. I swear. And when I think about where I was this time last year and where I am now – the difference is incredible.
But the truth is, I’ve just been in a bit of a funk over the last few days. Surrounded by my friends, who all have loved ones of their own, and feeling like the holiday season is really good at exemplifying what you don’t have.
Or rather, who you don’t have.
And thus, I’m feeling a little blah. Wishing I had a someone special to curl up next to the fire with. Or a little one of my own to bake cookies and wrap presents for.
The truth is, Christmas has never been my favorite time of year. The last time I remember there being any real magic to this time of year, I’m pretty sure I was about 8. After that, there were just years of bad memories and impossibly high hopes destined only to be crushed.
I have a lot of sad holiday memories.
And as much as I like to think I’ve moved past that, and as honestly as I can say that I have found ways to enjoy this time of year as an adult – there is something about it that still makes me sad.
In a way I can’t really explain.
Except to say, that I’m feeling very alone this weekend.
Even though I’m not alone at all.
And I don’t like it.
Even if it is the most wonderful time of year.
As far as I’m concerned – New Years can hurry up and get here.
Because I am ready for a clean slate and a new year to start working towards getting what I really want.
So that maybe this time next year, I won’t feel quite so alone.
And I’ll finally be ready to admit;
It’s the most wonderful time of the year.
ADSPACE
