It’s been a lesson I’ve spent much of the last few years learning.
I have no control.
No matter how much I plan, or learn, or strive, or fight… I have no control.
I am not the one who is in charge.
And for a while, there has been a part of me that has felt as though that lesson is being presented to me over and over and over again.
Until the point in time, when I actually get it.
When I no longer need to learn it.
When I relinquish control, and trust in that higher power.
People plan, and God laughs.
It was the theme of last week’s Private Practice.
For anyone who does or doesn’t watch that show, from day 1 Addison has struggled with infertility. Brought on mostly by waiting too long, it has always been known that Addison couldn’t have children. And it has always been an underlying theme. A hidden pain that Addison carries with her.
For 5 seasons now, this one thing has never changed. And while she has never really pursued fertility treatments, or attempted to rectify her situation (until now), Addison’s infertility, and her yearning to be a mother, has always been a part of who she was.
Now that I think about it, she is probably one of the longest running characters on TV dealing with infertility.
And for the most part, doing so in a realistic way.
Anyway, that’s all a lot of back-story just to lead up to this.
The words spoken by Addison in her final monologue of last week’s episode.
Words that struck such a cord with me, I had to rewind and watch the scene again.
And again.
I attempted to find video that I could post here, but apparently getting specific scenes from current shows on YouTube is next to impossible.
So instead, I played it a few more times until I had typed out the words she relayed during that scene.
Thinking maybe, it would resonate with some of you the same way it did with me:
Life is hard. It’s hard, and scary, and out of my control. And that’s the part that makes me the craziest. The fact that I cannot control the world, or what happens to the people that I love. And the idea of me having a kid, and not being able to control what happens?
I don’t know though. Every day… I deliver a baby, and every day I see that moment of change. You know, that moment when every cell in a woman’s body is transformed. And whatever happens, whether the baby is sick or healthy, happy or unhappy, lives or dies… whatever happens, that woman will never be just a woman again. She will always be, a mother. She’s transformed. And it’s exhilarating, and terrifying, and… I want that. I want it...
I do too.
ADSPACE
