Dormant

I’ve had this post half written and floating around in my head for the last month.

Afraid to commit to it.

To put it out into the universe.

To profess my belief that it may be true, only to have it come bite me in the butt the next time Jack’s in town.

I didn’t want to say it out loud (or rather – commit it to my keyboard) and risk looking stupid if in a month I’m once again complaining about pain.

But… I don’t think I’m going to be.

Three months ago, I was nervous.

Maybe even moving into the realm of downright scared.

I was hurting. More and more every month. Simply ovulating was bringing me to my knees. Actual visits from Jack were becoming unbearable. My day to day pain was increasing. And ultrasounds were showing what I couldn’t help but believe was the proof that the endo was returning.

Already. So soon after the surgery I had been hoping would mean relief for at least a few years.

And then there was that lovely night in the hospital. A burst cyst, an arrogant doctor, and the realization that here I was. Again. Having to deal with this disease and the pain and destruction it was capable of bringing with it.

At that point, it’s fair to say I was ready to throw my hands up in the air and give up. Convinced that nothing I ever did would help me to “win” against this disease so bent on bringing me down.

But I tried anyway. Not because I had much left in the way of hope, but because I felt like I couldn’t just throw in the towel.

This is my life after all. And no matter what, I couldn’t just condemn myself to a life of pain.

So, I finally took Teeny’s advice and I saw the healer. At the same time, I met up with Dr. Naturopath and began taking two new tinctures on her recommendation daily.

Between those two things, I began to see relief almost right away. Which was hard for me to acknowledge. Hard for me to believe. Nothing I had done in the past had ever produced results so quickly.

But as the weeks passed, my pain began to dissipate almost as quickly as it had increased. And my visits from Jack became less and less vengeful, leading us to this last visit where I was definitely still in a bit of discomfort, but nowhere near the level of pain I had been feeling before. In fact, I managed to go the entire time without popping so much as a single Ibuprofen.

Let alone the good stuff.

About a month ago the healer was working on me when she said “Your endometriosis has gone dormant.”

The word lingered in the air – not one I had ever really heard attributed to this disease.

“When I first started working on you” she continued, “I could literally feel the inflammation and diseased tissue beneath your skin. It was like a web of destruction that I could sense as soon as I touched anywhere that was affected. But now, it’s quiet. I can tell it’s still there, but it’s dying down – dormant. We’ve played defense, and won. Now we just have to change up our strategy and kill what’s in there before it has a chance to flare back up. But right now – you have the upper hand on this disease.”

Trust me, I know how it sounds. And I get that there are those out there rolling their eyes upon reading this. Refusing to believe. Thinking I’m crazy for trusting in any of it at all.

I’ll admit, I have a hard time wrapping my head around how this woman can sense the things she can. At my core, I am a logical person. I like to have things explained to me in details that I can understand. Someone simply sensing energies and vibrations doesn’t really register with me. Once upon a time, not so long ago, I actually had to be convinced to give even acupuncture a try.

Believing in this kind of thing is not something that comes naturally to me at all.

But I know what I was feeling just a few months ago.

And I know what I’m feeling now.

There are only two things I changed in that time – weekly visits with the healer, and a few drops 3 times daily of two tinctures Dr. Naturopath made up for me at the height of the pain.

For those who are curious, one of those tinctures is Turska’s Formula, and the other is a mix of Leonurus, Taraxacum, Zonthoxylum, and Vitex. Either is something a naturopath in your area could probably make up for you if you inquired.

In the last week I have also added Pycnogenol (Pine Tree Bark Extract) at the suggestion of Dr. Cook, and in an effort to keep the endo at bay. But the relief I was feeling came about long before that.

Don’t get me wrong – I still credit Dr. Cook fully for any relief I am feeling at all. I know that when I first saw him, I was in the most excruciating pain I have been in at any point along this journey. The surgery he performed on me lasted almost 5 hours. He had to remove endometriosis from my entire abdominal cavity, finding it even up by my spleen. My bowel and uterus were completely fused together, and the work he did was exceptional. I don’t believe I would be feeling any relief at all right now, had he not done such a phenomenal job of cleaning me up out in the first place. I am thankful every single day for the events that led me to him. No matter what I’m doing now, I don’t think it could have combated the extent of disease I had then.

But I also know what I was feeling just a few months ago. I know I wasn’t crazy. I know I wasn’t making it up. And I know what I have seen on the multiple ultrasounds I have had in that time.

I believe with every ounce of my being that I was having an endo flare up, and that those cysts on my ovaries are in fact endometriomas. I believe that the aggressiveness of this disease was coming out full force with me again, and that if I hadn’t done or changed anything – in a few months time I would have been right back where I started.

Now obviously I have no way of knowing this for sure. And without another surgery (which I hope I am years, if not a lifetime, away from ever having to face again) I clearly can’t even prove that what I was feeling a few months ago was endo.

I can’t tell you anything for sure – and so if there are skeptics out there, I completely understand.

But what I know is that for 4 or 5 months in a row, I was having to take a Percocet every time I ovulated. The pain was getting that bad. For the last two months though – I wouldn’t even have known I had ovulated at all had it not been for the period tracker on my phone telling me where in my cycle I was.

I know that over the summer, my visits from Jack were completely knocking me out. Reducing my ability to function, and requiring of me days of pill popping simply to get through. Jack’s visit two months ago resulted only in a few well time Ibuprofen’s and a heating pad though, and this last visit was entirely pain pill free and landed me only 2 days of needing to treat myself with a little extra rest and care.

I know that I was feeling daily back and hip pain again. That my belly was starting to ache with that tell-tale pain of inflammation and disease. And now, while I can’t tell you that I am entirely out of back and hip pain, I can tell you that it is incredibly reduced. Something I am hardly ever even noticing unless I am truly forcing myself to pay attention to and analyze it.

There are huge differences in my pain levels, so when the healer tells me that the endo is currently dormant – I believe her.

Dr. Naturopath does too. I had a visit with her this week, and I sheepishly explained what the healer had said and some of the methods she’s been using during our sessions.

Dr. Naturopath is like me. Despite the line of work she is in, she is a logical woman. Yes, she looks for more natural methods, but typically only those where she can logically identify how they work. She has more than once in the past shot down various ideas I’ve read about online or picked up from the very little I know about Eastern Medicine.

But when I told her what the healer had said (and who the healer was – the two do actually know each other in this small world that Anchorage is), she said “I believe her. I’ve never known anyone so in tune with other people’s bodies. It’s hard for me to wrap my head around, but I’ve seen some incredible things from some of what she is doing. I believe anything she is saying.” And then, just for good measure, she slid my most recent hormone panel across the desk.

The one I peed in a bucket for just 3 weeks ago.

The one that paints a near perfect picture of my hormones.

Like normal lady hormones.

There are a few small elevations here and there, but nothing to get excited about. And nothing that would have any effect at all on the endometriosis.

And when compared to my panels from just 6 months ago (and certainly my panels from last year), the difference in how my hormones are functioning is incredible.

Especially when you consider the fact that just 3 months ago, I was actually considering succumbing to hormonal treatments – despite how many times I have sworn I would never put my body through that again. I was that desperate to avoid falling down the path of pain once more.

Yet here we are – damn near perfect hormones. All on my own.

Well, on my own with just a little bit of help from Dr. Naturopath, the healer, Teeny, and of course Dr. Cook that is.

I spoke to Loo about all of this, and I swear that friend of mine swelled with pride. “You’re beating endometriosis.” She proclaimed. “And you’re doing it naturally.” Pretty sure she gave me a giant hug after that.

Because once upon a time, I said this is what I wanted to do. And people looked at me like I was crazy. My gynecologist (who I love, but who I know has a hard time understanding why I insist on doing things this way), readers here, even my dad – who I know loves me, but trusts far more in the miracles of modern day medicine than in all this crazy hippy shit I manage to come up with.

But it’s working. Something is working.

Because I’m not in pain.

My hormones are looking great.

And this disease is dormant.

Now… about how the healer suggests we formulate our next plan of attack.

The one where we wipe out this disease entirely and destroy those cysts organically.

Without drugs, or surgery, or heavy interventions of any kind.

It involves me embracing essential oils. And making my own suppositories. With Frankincense of all things.

It’s bizarre. And disturbing. And so far out of my comfort zone it’s not even funny.

Plus, it’s making my cootch smell a bit like a dirty hippy.

And I only wish I was joking about that.

But at this point – I’m willing to try anything. Especially if the healer is prescribing it.

Because I can’t help it – I buy into whatever it is that woman is selling.

Don’t worry though. I ran this plan (and all the less savory elements) by Dr. Naturopath this week. And while she laughed, she said she saw no reason to believe any of this could cause any harm.

So she was supportive of it. If only because she knows the healer.

And because she knows – we’re doing something right.

Because I’m not hurting.

And my hormone levels are “normal”.

And it’s kind of hard to deny that one beautiful word:

Dormant.