Moving into the zone of too much too fast is what got us into trouble in the first place.
He needs time. Time to heal. Time to cope. Time to trust again.
Time.
He’s not ready. No matter what he says, he’s not ready.
So I need to be the one pushing us to take things slow.
But it’s hard.
Hard to take things slow, when all of those boundaries have already been crossed.
When the “L” word has long since been exchanged.
And when in my heart, all I want is for us to be at the point that comes next.
The point where we’re together.
Both happy. Healed. And whole.
Together.
Without the ghost of the one who came before threatening every moment that’s good.
Take things slow.
That’s the only way to make it work right now.
I know that.
And I’m the one who’s level headed.
So, I have to be the one who makes it happen.
Because it’s the only way to keep things from ending up the way they were.
The roller coaster. The epic battle of push and pull. On and off. Right and wrong. Together, and nothing more than friends.
Take things slow.
We had dinner last night. It was nice. We talked. We laughed. He paid.
A bona fide date if ever I've been on one.
Then we went to get frozen yogurt. At the airport, where Yogurtland (one of my favorite San Diego staples) has recently opened. Yes – we went to the airport solely to get frozen yogurt. No, I am not ashamed. If a Trader Joes opened there, I would do my grocery shopping at the airport as well.
True story.
So, after I convinced him that the airport was an acceptable place to pick up dessert, we went back to my house and watched America’s Got Talent.
Because in case you didn’t know – there are 2 Alaskans now in the top 10.
Always exciting to see an Alaskan getting attention for something other than being… Sarah Palin.
Doncha know.
But then – after the dinner, and the frozen yogurt, and the ridiculous reality TV indulgence – I sent him home.
To his own bed.
We laughed. And talked. And caught up.
We did not kiss. Or hold hands. Or blur any of the lines.
Because we’re going to take things slow.
Even if it kills me.
Even if my willpower is tested every step of the way.
We’re going to take things slow.
Perhaps even so slow, that it no longer makes sense to say we’re taking things slow.
Because in reality, we’re just friends.
Nothing more than friends.
Never anything more than friends.
Yeah. OK. Even I rolled my eyes at that one.
But the longer I can keep things on the just friend’s level this time around, the safer I think my heart is going to be.
And the better chance I think we stand of us making this all work out in the end.
So I am going to try.
With everything inside of me, I am going to try.
Because not talking, wasn't working.
And jumping all in wasn't working either.
Take things slow.
I am going to draw those lines. And stand my ground. And be the one who keeps us from making the mistake of moving into the zone of too much, too fast.
We’re taking things slow.
Because I’m the one who knows what she wants and has never wavered.
And he’s the one who changes his mind with the wind.
We’re taking things slow.
Because I can’t count on him to consistently be what I need.
Not now.
Not yet.
Not while he’s still working through the mess she left behind.
And I can’t just walk away from him either.
So, we’re taking things slow.
Because that’s the only way we stand a chance.
And I want us to stand a chance.
I think he wants us to stand a chance too.
I believe we could have that happily ever after.
If only we can just… take things slow.
