I haven’t said any more about that date since because; well because the date itself was quite literally nothing to write home about.
It was a blind date.
A set up.
And I hate set ups.
Yet, that doesn’t keep my friends from trying. Despite my many protests and proclamations against blind dates, some of my nearest and dearest seem to always come up with someone they think I just have to meet.
And rarely are they ever anyone I would actually be interested in.
This date was no exception.
Loo has tried to set me up before, and much to her chagrin... she has failed miserably. The first guy she swore up and down I would adore showed up in a muscle shirt with a thick silver chain around his neck and designer sunglasses propped precariously above his overly gelled head.
He then proceeded to spend the next half hour bashing his ex wife.
I was not impressed.
Then there are the countless guys Loo meets on planes or around town and invites out with us simply because “They might be fun!”
I am definitely the more anti-social one out of our little two-some.
Loo and I have had the quality over quantity talk before, but it never quite seems to sink in.
She's a quantity girl… convinced that if she keeps looking and taking chances, Mr. Right will find his way to her that much sooner. Plus, she's just one of those people who makes friends with everyone. An admirable quality which really is just one of the many things I love about her, but... who has the time for that?!?
I on the other hand am a quality girl. Content enough in my singledom that I see no need to rush out on dates with every boy who seems as if he might be interested. I'm the same way with my friends. I'll take a small group of truly amazing friends over a large entourage any day. I don't need (or want) 10,000 facebook friends and hundreds of numbers in my phone that I'll never actually dial.
I'm all about the quality.
Beyond all that – Loo and I have completely different taste in men. She has more than once scrunched up her pretty little nose at the guys I usually find attractive (bearded, manly, and sometimes a little bit dirty), and I in turn have scoffed at her men of choice (men who [quite likely] spend more time getting ready in the morning than I do.) It works for us – we never have to worry about being interested in the same man at all. The two of us can go out together without ever for a second fearing competition from the other.
Except… Whenever she tries to set me up, she almost inevitably attempts with a guy who is far more her type than mine.
And I am left spending my time on a date I never would have agreed to go on in the first place had I met the guy out and about town on my own.
Which is why I told her a while back that set ups were no longer an option.
Period.
End of discussion.
Story closed.
But then she started talking about this guy she was working with. A competitor of hers, thereby making him off limits in her mind. Tall. Smart. Funny.
She raved about him. And wanted desperately to set us up.
So a while back I agreed, but only if certain conditions were followed. I was not going on a blind date. No way, no how, not happening. But if she wanted to invite him out with us some night for a group thing, I wouldn’t be opposed to meeting him then. Just so long as the circumstances were completely pressure free and as non-date-like as possible.
A few weeks back, she did invite him out with us. It was actually the night we met the waiter, and would have been the perfect time for a simple get together. Except he bailed, claiming to Loo that he was an awful dater and was too nervous to show up.
Which is pretty much when I lost any potential interest.
I like shy guys. Guys who aren’t cocky or too presumptuous. But… I do not like guys who lack confidence completely.
So I was pretty sure that book was closed. And I was completely OK with that.
Until Loo called me Wednesday night and told me I had a date. Thursday night at a local restaurant. With the coworker.
I scoffed at her, reminded her of our rules, and then explained that I already had plans Thursday night. I was taking one of my favorite teenagers to a movie. And I was not about to cancel those plans for a date with the mystery boy who just a few weeks ago had been too nervous to meet me.
“I’ll call you right back!” she proclaimed, before promptly hanging up the phone and cutting me off mid-sentence.
When she called back 5 minutes later, she started talking before I had even finished saying “Hello.”
“Tonight” she blurted out. “7:30. The reservation is under your name. Be there. You can’t cancel now, because I already had to reschedule with him.”
She’s lucky I love her.
So I went on this date. Reluctant and dragging my feet the whole way.
When I first walked in the door of the restaurant I saw him, and for a split second I actually thought “maybe…”
He was tall. Well dressed. And on the briefest of initial inspections… a possibility.
But then, he started talking. And I almost immediately lost interest.
He was nice. Sweet. Definitely a gentleman. He treated me to an expensive meal, refused to take my credit card when I offered to split it, and I dare say he was going out of his way to woo me. Ordering 2 desserts simply "because" (when I had already announced I needed none), and then proclaiming that he wasn't much of a sweets person before handing me the spoon.
We all know I inhaled those desserts, right?!?
But I just wasn’t feeling it. Nothing. No spark. No attraction. No zing of anticipation over getting to know him more at all.
Nothing.
For the record - I have dated plenty of guys who weren't textbook attractive. Men who many would look at and probably wonder what I saw in them. But there has always been something. A look they give me. A way that they smile. Something about their eyes.
There has always been something that has drawn me in.
And with this guy, there was nothing.
Which is why, when he asked if I wanted to go with him for after dinner drinks somewhere else, I declined. Made up some lie about having to be on the road for my business trip at 6 the next morning (when in reality – I didn’t leave until around 9.)
Like I said, he was nice. On paper, he was probably even someone I should have been interested in.
But… I am a girl in need of a spark.
A girl who enjoys her single life enough to not feel any need to try to force that spark.
And the truth is, I did sit there analyzing him for a minute trying to determine if I could picture myself kissing him.
But I couldn’t. I had no interest. At all.
After the meal, I called Loo and broke the bad news to her. She was sincerely disappointed. I think she really thought this one would do it for me. She wanted me to give him a second chance.
But as I explained to her… I know myself, and nothing will come out of a second date. I have a strong enough intuition about people to know when there is something there worth pursuing. And I have had the butterflies in the stomach feeling enough to know that I really do need it in the beginning stages of getting to know someone. If there are no butterflies… there’s really nothing there worth pursuing.
And there are a million other things I would rather be doing with my time than trying to force something that just isn’t there.
No matter how nice the guy is.
So there it is. Maybe I’m too picky. Or too closed off. Maybe I’m destined to be alone because I didn’t give enough men chances in my life.
But I don’t think that’s the case. I think he’s out there. Waiting. Biding his time until I find him.
And I think that when I do… there will be a spark.
And I’ll know.
Until then though… I’m OK with being a quality girl.
And I’ll keep loving Loo and all her quantity too.
