MYTH: People think IVF always works. Everyone who uses it is successful and has a baby.
It’s National Infertility Awareness Week.
I have to be honest - I hate being a part of anything that has it's own dedicated awareness week. I would rather just not be aware at all. I would rather not be in the know. I would rather it all be some big mystery to me.
But it's not.
Unfortunately - I'm more aware than I ever thought I could be.
Resolve.org is launching a campaign to bust a few myths about infertility in the week to come. To help spread all this awareness some of us have for whatever reason been anointed with.
And you can imagine my reaction when I saw the myth above.
It’s true though. People do think that IVF always works. Or at least – that it will always work for them, or anyone they know. No one goes into IVF thinking it’s going to fail. You can acknowledge out loud that you’re aware of the possibility, and you can announce over and over again that you aren’t that optimistic, but the truth is – you are. Somewhere, deep down inside, you believe it’s going to work.
If you didn’t – you would never be willing to invest the time and heart and money into it to begin with.
The problem is, if even you can’t convince yourself to take a good hard look at the possibility that it won’t work out; how can you ever expect anyone else to either?
People on the outside of the infertility world don’t hear the sad stories. They don’t know the stats (less than 41% chance of success for women under 35) and the complicating factors. All they know are the IVF representations in the media. The Octomom’s of the world.
They see success like that, and just assume it has to work for everyone.
Can’t get pregnant? Try IVF – it always works.
As a matter of fact – not only will you get pregnant, but you’ll probably get pregnant with multiples.
Just like Octomom!
Well... I am living proof that isn’t always true.
From the start, the one thing I heard that I had in my favor over and over again was my age. I would be 27 when I completed my first IVF cycle. I was young, and with the exception of a severe case of endometriosis – strong and healthy. Doctor after doctor kept telling me “You’re so young! Your odds are great!”
Yet here I am. Three beautiful embryos later. One fresh cycle and one frozen down.
Resigned to the fact that the only way I’m ever going to see two lines on a stick is if I draw them in myself.
I am living proof that it doesn’t always work. That throwing $20,000+ at a problem and relying on the best that modern medicine has to offer does not always lead to a baby.
Because it’s not an exact science. Because no matter what the doctor’s say – they really have no way of knowing who it will and will not work for. Because sometimes, they are just as flabbergasted as you that it didn’t work.
Because at the end of the day… it’s a crapshoot.
My first cycle, I was convinced I was pregnant. Convinced to the point that I was telling strangers I was. Announcing to anyone who would listen that I was with child.
I was convinced, because I wanted to believe so badly. But also because everyone I knew was convinced too.
They had a “feeling”. They all "just knew". This was absolutely going to work.
I was pregnant. No doubt about it.
Until the bleeding began. Days before my scheduled beta test. Making it painfully clear that the baby I and everyone I knew and loved had been rejoicing; had never actually been.
That second cycle, I tried to be more realistic. And in the back of my head I think I even knew from the start that it wasn’t going to work. But… that hope. It was palpable. For me, and for everyone around me.
No way would this fail twice. It was IVF! It had to work!
And right up to the very last moment, that hope held out.
You don’t do something like this thinking it’s not going to work. I know that. But the sad truth is – sometimes it doesn’t. Sometimes it doesn’t more than it does.
It’s a crapshoot.
But the truth is, even after everything – I would do it all again.
No, not a third cycle. I’m not sure I’ll ever have the funds (or strength of will) to take on that gauntlet again.
But the first two rounds? I wouldn’t change anything. Even knowing what I know now, I would still do them.
Because there is something to be said for being able to go to bed at night knowing you’ve tried everything. That you’ve given it your all.
There’s something to be said for not waking up 20 years from now wondering “What if?”
I have no regrets.
But I do know that this myth? It’s just that. A myth.
Because it doesn’t always work. IVF does not always lead to a baby in the end.
I’m living proof.
Living proof that sometimes you can give it your all, and still fail.
But also living proof that you can fail, and still survive.
Which isn’t something I was so sure of before this journey began.
Life is full of lessons. Some lessons teach you things you never dreamed of learning, and some teach you things you will forever wish you could unlearn.
I still wish I believed this myth.
I wish I believed that IVF always worked.
Or that my age was all I needed in my corner to have success.
I wish I believed that everyone who goes down this path comes out the other end with a baby in their arms.
But I know that isn't not true. I know it doesn’t always work.
I know that I am living proof.
And that I'm not the only one.
For more information on infertility, check out Resolves website, and for more information on National Infertility Awareness Week (NIAW), go here.
ADSPACE
