I'm In Trouble...

I don’t even know where to start.

Or what to say.

I just know… I’m in trouble.

This guy is intelligent, funny, humble, open, and…

Just as gorgeous as I remembered.

He also very clearly just had his heart ripped out of his chest.

I’ll admit – I was skeptical going into this coffee date. I had my guard up, and was prepared for anything. Wary of any signs that would indicate that he hadn’t been entirely honest about the end of his marriage.

But I’m telling you… All it took was him relaying to me the details for 2 minutes, before I knew.

I knew this guy was telling the truth.

And I knew that he was still very much so devastated by the implications of that truth.

The story is honestly heartbreaking. I couldn’t help it; my guard was pummeled. I just wanted to hug him. It was painfully clear how difficult this situation has been.

That's all I feel right sharing about that though. It’s not my story to tell. And for the first time with any guy that’s come into my life since the conception of this blog – I’m suddenly feeling strangely protective of him. Of his story. Of his life.

I can’t explain it. I have shared ridiculously candid details about more than one guy from my past here, but with this – it just doesn’t feel right. Turning his heartache into some story I tell doesn’t set well with me.

So I’m not going to do it.

The truth is, I don’t even know what to call him here. In this space. I normally come up with names with ease, but with this guy – I’m at a loss. I was thinking The Divorcée, but now that just feels… mean. I don’t know. Just seeing how hurt he was by all of it… It almost feels like calling him that now would be poking fun at the whole thing, and I don't want to do that.

And for the record – He didn't spend the entire time talking to me about his ex wife. But I definitely pressed for details. Probably more than I should have.

What I do know, is that if I met this guy out and about under completely different circumstances – I would be all in. I would be going out of my way to make him mine.

But these aren't completely different circumstances. And knowing what I know now, I’m thinking that what this guy really needs is a friend.

So… That’s what I’m going to be. A friend. I’m not aiming for any more right now at all. I don't even really think he could possibly be capable of any more at this point. As far as I can tell, he literally just had the ground ripped out from under him.

I think calling me is something he did solely because he didn't know what else to do. He said he was actually looking through his phone the other night and saw my name. Remembered talking to me on New Years, and decided “What the hell!” So he waited until the next day, and he gave me a call.

When his (ex) wife and I had exchanged numbers, she actually put mine in his phone because hers was dead. Which is the only reason he even had it at all.

And I kind of think he just called because… because he’s hurt. And feels like he should be dating. And all of a sudden, in feeling and thinking that, there was a number right there in front of him. I think it made it easy for him to pick up the phone and call.

But nothing about this guy screams scumbag to me at all. Or dirtbag looking only for rebound sex. I honestly think he's just a good guy who got dealt a really crappy hand and has no idea what he's supposed to do next.

In so many ways - he reminded me of my dad.

For those who are still furiously typing “RUN!”  into their keyboards though – I did do some digging when I got home, and every last detail he told me checks out. Right down to the reason he told me she left, and the divorce records I was able to find.

I believe every word he said.

I also believe that he isn’t even kind of over her and what happened between the two of them.

And I wouldn’t expect him to be at this point.

Which is why I think the only role that makes any sense for me to play right now is "friend". Nothing more, and nothing less.

I’m not sure what’s going to happen. Or that anything’s even going to happen at all.

I do know that he asked me to come to a BBQ at his house this weekend.

And I said “yes”.

I’m dragging Loo along with me of course.

And the rest – I’m playing by ear.

But I can’t help but feeling like…

I’m in trouble.