Do you ever have the feeling that there just aren’t enough hours in the day?
That no matter how much you cross off your list of things to do, it never seems to actually make a dent?
And night after night you find yourself up far later than originally planned, just trying to keep ahead of the things that absolutely must be taken care of?
I’ve always been a multi tasker. A girl who was at her best when juggling a list of priorities a mile long. I have always succeeded by keeping my plate full.
Need an example? I took 66 units my last year of college (between summer, fall, and spring semester) while also working 20+ hours a week at the bar. I lived on the beach, dated a handful of less than noteworthy guys, and most definitely still had a life. The grades I pulled those semesters were stellar.
I’ve always been that girl. The one running in 18 different directions, but somehow still crossing all the finish lines before everyone else.
But lately, I feel more drained than ever before. And even worse, I feel like I’m falling behind. Like none of the pots I have my hands in are getting the attention they deserve, because I’m just stretched too thin.
For the first time in my entire life, I feel stretched too thin.
And I’m not entirely sure what it’s going to take to rectify that. To get my energy back and be the girl who can throw herself into a million different things at once again.
I just know… I’m drained.
I expressed this sentiment to Dr. Headshrink this week. She asked me to describe a typical day for her, so I did. My alarm goes off at 5:30 in the morning. Most days I try to have myself actually pulled out of bed by 6:30. 8-5 I work. 5:30, I get home. From there, I write a post for here, answer e-mails, respond to comments, read other blogs, and check in on the community - all of this taking place throughout the evening in between whatever else I have going on. On boot camp nights now, I make a PB&J and eat it on the way to class at 7, not getting home until about 9:30. Most other nights I either have plans with friends, or I’m on the phone with someone catching up for at least an hour. By the time everything is said and done, I’m lucky if I get into bed and turn out the lights by midnight.
This has been my schedule for what seems like forever. I’ve always been a night owl, and have never gotten a ton of sleep. It’s always worked out fine for me. But now… It’s not really working. I’m tired. Tired to the point that when my phone rings, I contemplate not answering it for fear that the extended conversations that will inevitably follow will put me in bed even later than I otherwise would have been.
Something has clearly got to give.
Dr. Headshrink pointed this out to me, but I argued. There is nothing that can give. I have to work for my financial stability. I have to blog for my sanity. I have to get back into an exercise routine for my health. And I have keep up with my friendships because... Well, because I am insanely lucky to have the friendships I have and they will always be a priority. Period. End of discussion.
There is nothing that can go. Nothing that can give.
Today though, I laid on the table letting Teeny poke me with needles and fighting off the sleep that wants to overtake me anytime I’m horizontal lately. She began asking me the same questions. Questions about what I’m doing and how much sleep I’m getting.
The thing I tried to explain to her is – I’m not getting any less sleep than I was a year ago. I’m no more busy or social than I’ve ever been before. But… I’m drained. Completely and totally drained.
As I was getting dressed after our session, Teeny said to me “I want you to take a break from blogging for a few days. Focus on getting 8 hours of sleep a night. Decompress. Allow your body to reset.”
And I scoffed. Scoffed, and argued. “I can’t do that!” I proclaimed.
To which Teeny replied “Why?”
I had no response. Nothing beyond “But, but, but…” Finally, I conceded. But in the back of my head I was thinking that next week I would just tell her it hadn’t been possible. I would lie and say I'd tried, but that I'd simply needed to return to my blog. To my writing. To my relationships here.
Teeny isn’t in charge of me after all.
On the drive home though, I really started to think about it. Why is it so hard for me to let this go for just a few days? Why is it so hard for me to walk away from something and decompress so that I can come back to it refreshed?
Something has to give, and right now – stepping away from the internet for a few days makes a whole lot more sense than stepping away from my job, or my friends, or my only recently renewed ability to get my sweat on.
I realized I’ve been looking at this space as an obligation. Which is never how it was supposed to be. Never what I intended it to become. And as much as I love what has been built here, it’s also incredibly time consuming.
And time is just something I don’t seem to have as much of lately.
I’m tired. And my ability to cope with pretty much everything is hindered because I’m so tired.
So… I’m taking a break. Something I haven’t done once since starting this blog.
I’m giving myself an internet vacation.
Just for a week. 7 Days. Enough time to get myself on a better schedule. One where my head hits the pillow before midnight.
Enough time to re-evaluate my priorities and figure out how to give my all to everything again, instead of just dipping my fingers into all the pots.
I’m not going to check my e-mail. Or keep up on other blogs. I’m not going to tweet, or stay on top of the community. Instead, I’m going to work. And sleep. And eat. And workout. And spend some face time with the people I love.
I might even try to read some of the new books I've had piling up for the last few months.
I need a breather though. And so, I’m going to take it.
Hopefully you’ll all still be here when I get back.
ADSPACE
