Really behind.
Almost 3 weeks behind.
And I tried to catch up today, but… it just isn’t happening.
I brought my current bible study along with me to California. I had every intention of keeping up. Of reviewing the lessons and maintaining my pace with the rest of the class. But as you might imagine – I wound up finding myself more than a little overwhelmed while there.
Beyond that, I was so hopped up on pain killers for at least a week straight that I’m not sure I could have taken anything away from the study even if I had tried.
But now, here I am. 3 weeks behind, and struggling to rebuild my interest in the study enough to catch up with the rest of the class for the remaining few weeks.
Only – I fear it isn’t going to happen.
Am I the only one who has moments in her spiritual journey where she just isn’t feeling it? Where the words aren’t speaking to her at all?
I feel awful admitting this, but… I’m there. There are times when I feel so connected and so motivated that all I want to do is read the word of God. And then there are other times when it honestly feels like a chore. When I feel like I am forcing myself and getting absolutely nothing out of it in return. And today - I am there. I sat this afternoon pouring through 5 different lessons in my attempt to catch up, and I have to be honest – I don’t think I got anything at all from them. I’m fairly sure that even though it didn’t seem as though my mind was wandering as I was doing them, I was in fact a million miles away.
Away from God. Away from His word. And away from the task at hand.
Unsure of how to get back. How to re-engage myself and find the motivation to catch up. To relate. To learn.
I’m a bit worried this study may be a wash. That I may have to bow out and hope that something else catches my attention soon. Speaks to me. Pulls me back in.
Because right now, the truth is that I am drifting. Not in my faith per se, but in my commitment. In my desire to connect and learn and grow spiritually.
I feel… bored.
(Courtesy of Google Images)
