I am getting old.
I just keep on aging. No matter how I want to pretend it isn’t so.
And yesterday, the reminder of all reminders found its way into my inbox.
I received an e-mail recommending I "like" a certain new fan page on Facebook.
A fan page which will over the next few months become the Mecca of information for my 10 year high school reunion.
Taking place this year.
And I ask you now; when did this happen?
Has it really been 10 years since I graduated high school? Since I was sent out into the world after being voted the girl most likely to be a movie star?
This girl.
This girl who was one of the popular kids, but who never really felt like she belonged there. This girl who threw herself into theater year after year, only because she loved being able to pretend to be someone else. Someone different. Someone other than who she was.
This girl who didn’t really have any self confidence at all, and who joined each and every club she could think of (even sporting activities she had no business partaking in - spending entire seasons on the bench as a result), just so that she wouldn’t have to be home and around a stepmother who clearly didn’t want her.
I was the girl who worked her butt off in high school. Pulling great grades, remaining active in everything, and waitressing multiple nights a week to pay for her own car and save up for college.
A perfectionist in every way imagineable. One with the scars and deep dark demons to prove it.
10 years is a long time. And as much as I realize that I am not that broken girl anymore (and that I in fact outgrew her years ago) I still can’t believe it’s been so long.
And that it’s now time to think about revisiting those years. Reminiscing over them as though they were the best of my life.
When the truth is, they weren’t. Not even close. I had friends, sure. And I was well liked amongst my teachers and peers. There was relatively little there on the high school end of things that I could complain about.
But I was such a lost girl at that point in my life. So broken down by the people who had thrown me away and decided to turn their backs on me.
I couldn’t wait to graduate. I couldn’t wait to go to college and get out of dodge. To run away, and be done with that place for good.
And now, it’s been 10 years.
And I live over 3000 miles away. So at the very least, no one can argue that I did the running away part well.
I have to admit; I walked into the bathroom after getting this e-mail yesterday though, and I looked at myself for a good 10 minutes. Trying to determine if you could see those 10 years in my face.
The assessment?
My boobs are still where they’re supposed to be.
So at least there’s that.
I just can’t believe it’s been 10 years. That a reunion is actually in the works.
Will I go? Probably not. It’s ridiculously expensive to get out of Alaska (which is easily my number one beef with living here), and if I’m going to spend that kind of money – I would rather save it to come home for a holiday with my family, or a trip to Cali to see my friends there.
It’s kind of funny, because Facebook has already done all the reunions legwork anyway. I know what people are doing and where they are. I know who has kids. Who’s married. I know what I need to know.
And the people from high school who I wanted to maintain relationships with, I did. The devirginator is still one of my best friends (and is even going to try to be there if that surgery in Cali ever happens), and there are a handful of people who I make a point of seeing every time I go home. Although, many of my best friends from high school didn’t actually go to my high school. Or weren’t in my graduating class.
In fact, if I’m really being honest – there are only a handful of people who would likely be at this thing who I would want to see and catch up with.
And I do just that with them on Facebook regularly enough.
So no, it’s not really worth the price of admission for me. And I doubt I’ll go.
But it’s still crazy to think about. My 10 year high school reunion is here.
And I, the girl voted most likely to be a movie star, am living in Anchorage, Alaska.
Having not been on a stage once since I left high school. Never having any real interest in pursuing a movie career at all to be completely honest.
So the fact that I never really "made it" as was once predicted for me? Not that big a deal. But it's the things I actually wanted for myself that it's odd for me to realize haven't happened yet.
No husband. No babies. No book deal. No major accomplishments of any kind to be honest.
Not living the life I would have thought I would have been living at all.
But still living a life that has taken some pretty amazing turns.
It’s funny how things happen. How we wind up on roads we never even knew existed. How 10 years can bring things into your life you never would have expected. Both good and bad. And how one day you can wake up and realize that all this time has passed. And that you’re nowhere near the same place you thought you would have been.
And that isn’t necessarily the end of the world.
Because hey – at least your boobs are still exactly where they’re supposed to be.
As for the rest?
Hopefully it will all work out in the next 10 years.
