I caught myself telling this girl that the room I was now renting out had originally been intended to be used as a nursery.
And it dawned on me; maybe that’s why I’ve been so reluctant to finding a roommate. Why every girl I’ve met thus far just hasn’t seemed right.
Maybe it’s more the fact that putting someone in there feels like admitting defeat. Like recognizing that it won’t be a room meant to house my babies anytime soon.
It’s silly really. The room is completely empty. I have nothing in there at all. I spent most of last year refusing to buy any baby things until I had my two pink lines (a decision I am now beyond grateful I made – because staring down an unused crib or bouncy chair every day is just not something I think I could handle), but I also refused to put anything else in that room. I had no intentions of turning it into a guest room, or an office, or a workout area. None of those uses would have fulfilled the true purpose I had for the room in my mind. So instead, I allowed it to remain empty. Waiting for the day when I could construct the crib, and the changing table, and the rocking chair. The day when I could hang the mobile from the ceiling and paint the walls in varying shades of brown and pastel.
(Courtesy of Google Images)
In all that waiting however, I did absolutely nothing at all with that room. And now, it’s just reached a point of absurdity. An empty room with no use or function. One which certainly isn’t going to become my nursery anytime soon.
So considering the fact that I have all kinds of baby making debt, and adding in the reality that this room is never going to be my nursery (at least - not in the foreseeable future), it's silly for me to not get a roommate. To not share the spare bedroom and bathroom with someone who could actually help with the bills. Someone who may even become a new friend. A person who could be around to watch scary movies with me, and whine about boys, and give opinions on outfits before date nights.
I’ve had so many amazing roommate experiences in my life, it really is just silly that I would be so reluctant to getting one now.
And the only real explanation I can come up with is that I’ve been covertly trying to protect my nursery. Trying to preserve all the possibilities that room once held.
But it’s time to let that go. Time to abandon the nursery and move forward.
As difficult as that may be.
I think I found the new roommate to be this afternoon. She was a very sweet college student who seemed like she would be the perfect person to share my little home with. Plus, she is moving out of state at the end of the semester, so she only needs a place for the next 3 months.
Which right now, sounds ideal to me.
Because, while I am trying to be a grown up by acknowledging the fact that the nursery was never meant to be… I think I like knowing that it will only have to morph into something else for 3 very short months.
And then, maybe I can reevaluate. Either find myself another roommate if this all works out, or…
Turn that space into a gym and call it a day.
