Then I realized that I’m worrying about people who are clearly lacking common sense and empathy themselves. People who could probably use an education in the ways of the world (or at least, the world of infertility).
People who for reasons I do not understand have determined that this space here is in fact a dating site.
(Courtesy of Google Images)
And that I, as an infertile woman, am especially interested in men twice my age who want nothing at all to do with children.
Men who have specifically sought me out because I can’t have babies; therefore, they’ve determined I meet their needs.
As if this were some kind of mail order catalogue with all my traits (even those that bring me heartache) somehow listed as assets.
Yes. Yes my lovely readers, you have read all that right.
And as much as I have tried to convince myself that this is all part of some cosmic joke (the universe gathering together these men in an elaborate plan to “punk” me) I’m starting to think that they may be serious.
In case you didn’t catch that, I did just use the term “they”.
Because there are actually more than one of these gallant gents.
Two in the last week alone in fact.
Probably a total of five or six since I started this blog.
Men who openly admit to Googling “single infertile women” in the hopes of finding their next true love.
A true love who will not pressure them for children, because hey; she's infertile. So that must be the end of the story.
These men seem to be lacking the common sense that tells them that an infertile woman likely wouldn’t identify herself as such if having kids weren’t something she desperately wanted.
She certainly wouldn’t be writing about those attempts to conceive for all the world to see.
No, these are complexities that seem to be lost on this list of winners.
I’m guessing because at some point in their lives; they must have suffered from a serious head trauma.
I wish I was kidding dear friends. Because every single time I have gotten one of these e-mails, I have had to fight the urge to reach through my computer and smack the stupid out of these morons.
Seeking out infertile women to date because you don’t want kids is kind of like seeking out terminal women to date because you don’t like commitment.
It is not an act that deserves a whole lot of empathy or understanding.
And while I tend to pride myself on being someone who gives people the benefit of the doubt; I'm not sure how much benefit can be given here.
These men have clearly ingested some variation of anthrax which has turned their already struggling brains to mush.
Still, every time I have gotten one of these e-mails I have done the kindest thing I could possibly manage.
I have moved my finger over to the “delete” button and moved on.
As much as I have wanted to pen scathing e-mails telling these men what I really think of their propositions, I have restrained myself.
While every ounce of my being has wanted to critique the pictures they’ve sent along (because yes – about half have actually included pictures), or explain to them that just because I’m infertile does not mean I want to move across the country to raise their children for them while also providing plenty of sex on the side (yep – I’ve gotten that one too), I have resisted.
Because what good could possibly come out of putting into words how idiotic and detached from reality I find these men to be?
But I have to tell you, getting yet another one of these e-mails today may just have pushed me over the edge.
I no longer think it’s a joke. I no longer believe that it’s a scam. I am no longer of the mindset that there is some greater explanation to these ridiculous e-mails that find their way into my inbox.
No, I have finally come to one very simple conclusion; the men who think they are going to find their ways into my bed through these e-mails are in need of some serious mental help.
They were probably dropped on their heads as children.
Multiple times I’m guessing.
So once and for all (for these men who seem to not realize how truly off base they are), let me make myself painfully clear:
This is not a dating site.
It is a personal blog, written by a woman suffering from infertility. A woman who wants nothing more in this world than to have children. A woman who will stop at nothing to be a mommy. A woman who very well may one day be a stepmother (because I could happily wind up with a man with children), but who isn’t interested in a man Googling infertile women in order to find that stepmother for his children.
If you have found me through this blog and are contemplating propositioning me via e-mail; don’t.
I am not interested.
I do not have infertile friends who are interested.
My infertility does not make me a prime target for you to prey on.
Because, regardless of how you think it may have rendered me; I am not desperate.
And honestly, I find the fact that each and every one of you is the same age as my father disturbing.
Keep your old balls to yourself.
You obviously know how to use the computer, so here’s a hint; sign up for eHarmony. If my dad was able to figure out how to do it, you can too.
And from what I understand, there's even a tiny little box that you can check there if you aren't interested in having children. From there, you will be matched up with women who also don't want children. Which, just to revisit the issue one more time, is not the same as being infertile.
Although, I’ve heard their weed out process is pretty intense. They may cut the creepers off at the pass. Which would probably leave you SOL.
Still… Googling infertile women in search of your next date is not a good idea.
I want a man who wants me despite my infertility, not because of it.
I want a man who didn’t graduate high school before I was born.
And if I end up with a man who is already a father, it will be because he is such an amazing one that my knees went weak when I first saw him with his children.
Not because he sought me out on the internet under the pretense of flying out a live-in nanny and sex slave.
Get a clue douchebags. This is not a dating site.
And even it were;
We would not be a match.
(Whew – I feel so much better now!)
