I’ve had a feeling that I can’t shake lately. I’ve mentioned it in a live chat or two, and in some of my conversations with friends in real life as well.
It’s this nagging voice in my head that is telling me that eventually (someday), I am going to need to let all this go. That in order to move on with my life, I am going to have to walk away from the infertility world.
Because, how long can you continue to linger after acknowledging truly that it will probably never be you who gets those two lines?
I’ve been feeling stuck lately. In limbo. Unsure of where my place is in this world, now that I am no longer actively trying to conceive. Now that I have come to the conclusion that I will likely never be actively trying to conceive again.
How long can you cling to the label of infertility and allow it to define you before you just get up and move forward? Onto the next stage. Whatever that may be.
That’s what my newest post is about over at Fertility Authority. I’m sure I’m not the only person who has ever felt this way. The only one who has reached the end of the road as far as fertility treatments are concerned, still with no baby in her arms. The only one left feeling like she no longer fits in, now that she is no longer trying.
I’m sure I’m not the only one who has ever been stuck in limbo.
So I would welcome your insights here. Because I have to admit, there is something about remaining enmeshed in the infertility world that seems unhealthy to me. Like I’m holding on to something I really need to be able to let go of.
For the time being though, things around here are going to continue on as usual. If only because I don’t know what the next step is, and I’m not sure how to simply scrap this part of my life and start anew. I don’t want you all to think I’m just going to up and disappear tomorrow, because that isn’t the case. I suppose I’m just… pondering. Trying to figure out what the healthiest thing to do is at this point.
But until I figure that out, I’ll still be here. In limbo. Connecting and interacting as best as I can. Talking about infertility, if only because it is a pain I know. An ache I can relate to.
And if you’re looking for someone who can relate, the Live Infertility Chats will continue on. I may take a week or two off surrounding my surgery (solely because I’m planning on being in and out of consciousness in the days surrounding being cut open), but we are still on for this weekend. If you’ve never participated in a live chat before, you're really missing out. We’ve been doing this for close to 5 months now, and it has really become a place of such amazing bonding for the women who participate. It’s the one hour every week on the community that is dedicated solely to infertility and those who have walked this path. We would love to have you join us and share your story. And I have to boast a little, because last week we did have a dear friend break down and pee on a stick mid chat – and the news was so good! Maranda (one of the lovely women I met during my last cycle in Seattle) was blessed with her two lines and was able to rejoice with this group of women who had been pulling for her. So you see – we celebrate with each other just as much as we vent! And we would love one more friend to be rooting for.
If this sounds like something you would like to get involved in, all you have to do is head over the community at 3:00pm Alaska time and click on the discussion titled “Live Infertility Chat”. Feel free to jump right in and introduce yourself to us! If you want to catch up on past chats first, you can do so here:
Live Infertility Chat: Week 19
Live Infertility Chat: Week 18
I’m looking forward to seeing you there ladies. And who knows, maybe one of you has exactly the insight I need as I try to navigate my way through limbo!
ADSPACE
