I am not looking for a fight.
A few days ago though, as I typed away about my feelings regarding miracles and God’s hand in those who can and cannot get pregnant, I used the phrase “women who choose to abort” a time or two. I now know that there was at least one of you out there reading who was hurt by my need to touch on such a sensitive topic, and I can only assume that there may have been others who felt the same way. Others who got the impression that I was judging them for choices they have made in their lives, when nothing could have been further from the truth.
As a result, I am going to open myself up to the firing squad now in an attempt to clarify and set the record straight regarding my feelings and my views. Because the truth is that my intention here is never to hurt anyone. And while I recognize that it would be almost impossible to never offend at all, it is something I like to try to set right when I can.
So here it is: I am pro choice.
That’s right. I am an infertile woman who desperately wants nothing more in this world than to be a mommy, but I am still pro choice.
I am also a woman of faith who truly believes that life begins at conception, but I am still pro choice.
And finally, I am a woman who mourned those failed IVF cycles as though they were miscarriages (because I honestly felt like my babies had died), but I am still pro choice.
(Courtesy of Google Images)
I am pro choice because the truth is, I do not believe it is my right or place or purpose to push my ideals and beliefs upon another woman’s body. Abortions pain me. They truly break my heart. I know (and have always known) beyond a shadow of a doubt that an abortion would never have been an option for me.
But, I can and always will respect the rights of other women to choose.
Just as I wanted that same respect to choose IVF for my own body, even while I knew that there are those who would disagree.
It’s my body, and my life; I would never want someone thinking they deserved reign over that. Therefore, I would never presume to have reign over those aspects belonging to another woman.
Further, while the act of abortion is one that will always make me very sad, it is not one I judge. I have actually stood by two close friends in my life while they made that choice. One was years ago, and I was there for her from the moment she got her 2 lines to the second that baby was no more (and throughout the healing that took place after). The other was more recently, and as she spoke to me about her guilt regarding her unwanted pregnancy when she knew how much I wanted to be pregnant myself, I listened to her and reassured her that she could not make decisions for her life based on how she thought I would feel about them.
Both were women I considered to be close friends, and while I did not understand their choices; I respected them. I continued on loving them each just the same.
And I can honestly say that to the best of my knowledge, neither has ever regretted the decision she made. While there have been hurts along the way, both remain confident that they made the best choices for themselves at the time. And that too, I can respect.
So, when I made the mention of “women who choose to abort”, I just hope that everyone knows that wasn’t a statement made out of contempt or judgment. Rather, it was a statement made out of sadness. Because I know that abortion is not an easy choice to make, nor is it a simple path to walk. And while those I know who have been through it have not regretted their choices, I also know that if they had been given the opportunity – they each would have preferred to simply not have been in the position to make that choice at all. So yes, it does make me sad that they would get pregnant and I would not. It does sting that they would be the ones “blessed” with that gift they didn’t even want, while I am left trying so desperately to no avail. I am willing to bet that most women who have walked that path would have far preferred that life to be placed inside someone else. Someone who was actually mentally and physically in the place to take on that responsibility. I don’t think many would say that they were glad for the experience, or that they would want to do it again. So in reality, it’s a sadness for both of us. For them given a responsibility they were not able to take on, and for me being deprived of a blessing I so desperately yearn for.
When I talk about those women who “choose to abort”, it is not out of disgust or rage. It is simply out of sadness. For both them, and myself. And I hope those that were hurt can see that. Can understand that.
It simply seems to me to be one of life’s bigger injustices. Not perpetuated by miracles or blessings, but rather brought on by biology and choices.
Because the truth of the matter is, there is only one simple thing that I begrudge those who choose the path of abortion.
Something they were given, that I was not.
A choice.
It’s one of those instances where I think both parties would have preferred the choice have been given to someone else.
Someone who would have chosen differently.
Someone who would have spent the rest of their lives thankful for the opportunity to choose at all.
I don’t judge that choice.
I just wish I too had been allowed to choose.
