Blessed

I’m always intrigued by how different people tend to process the same information. It’s human nature I suppose. We all bring our own issues into each and every circumstance in our lives. And it sits there, in the back of our minds, clouding every interaction we have or witness throughout our days. Sometimes for the bad, but just as often for the good.

I found myself thinking about that today as I revisited in my head many of the issues surrounding infertility. How differently people view each of the choices we are all faced with depending on where we are on our journeys. It’s hard not to read someone’s story without taking aspects of it personally. Even if what was written was only ever meant to be the authors own reflection upon their lives, it’s difficult not to look at what they’ve put out there and try to determine how it reflects upon our lives.

We each do it. It would be almost impossible not to. Our personal lives and stories are always going to shadow how we view the world. How we view others.

In some ways, we are almost slaves to our pasts.

I bring this all up, only because it’s pertinent to how I read the lessons from the last week of bible study. How my life and my past caused me to filter out a smaller part of the study and somehow make it the bigger piece.

I’m speaking mostly about the friendship between David and Jonathan. It was such a small part of the 5 lessons for the week, but the bond between the two of them hung with me. Even as we touched on issues such as jealousy and other negative spirals, I remained fixated on David and Jonathan. On their unrelenting friendship. The clear love they had for each other.

I was touched by their connection. And even though I have read David’s story before, for some reason that aspect of it really stood out to me this time.

Perhaps because it got me thinking about the friendships in my life that mean so much to me. I don’t know how it happened, but I have been blessed with some friendships in this life that I wouldn’t trade for anything. Women who I know I could call upon at all hours and they would be there for me in whatever way I needed. Women I would trust with my deepest darkest secrets. Women who will put me in my place when I am wrong. Women who are always willing to walk alongside me.

Women who know me inside and out and still love me.

For whatever reason, making these kinds of friendships has always come easily for me. In my adult life, it hasn’t mattered where I’ve lived or what I’ve been doing; someone has always come into my life who was clearly meant to be there. And those friendships have endured, so that while I have a few up here in Anchorage with me now – I also have a handful spread out across the country. And while I may go weeks without talking to some of these women; whenever we do get the chance to catch up, it is always as though no time has passed at all.

There have been so many times I have been left in awe of these friendships of mine. Wondering how it is that I got so lucky. I was talking to Dr. Headshrink about that today in fact. Explaining to her how incredible some of my friends have been over this last year, and wondering out loud how it is that I’ve managed to form such close bonds with such amazing people. She hypothesized that it has nothing to do with luck. That it has to do with me. Something about me. Something I am putting out there. I think she was trying to get me to recognize some of the good qualities I myself have that in turn also make me a good friend, but you know what? I don’t buy it. And I told her that.

Instead, I think these friendships have been Gods way of keeping me on the right path in this life. Because it just seems far too coincidental to me that so many good, warm, genuine women have been brought into my life at exactly the right times for it not to have been the work of God. It’s no secret that my childhood left me with issues surrounding women. Surrounding trusting women. And I didn’t even really start forming strong bonds with other women until I was in my 20’s. I had a hard time letting anyone in at all to be honest. But somehow, these women found me. Found ways to get through my tougher shell. Ways to help me trust them. And the end result is these friendships that have now endured for years and years. With women who have never once let me down, or hurt me, or betrayed me. Women who I in turn would do just about anything for.

But, I know for a fact that all women are not so lucky. I see the friendships others have. The cattiness and gossiping. The backstabbing and competition. I’ve even had friendships like that (although, I am thankful to say that in my adult life I have always been able to walk away from those kinds of relationships pretty easily). I know how some women are. How arguably, many women are. So how could I not see it as anything other than a blessing that these truly amazing friendships have always found their way into my life? I don’t know why I’ve been so blessed, but I know I have been. I know that God has sent some amazing people into my life, and that they have all served such an incredible purpose for me.

I still have trust issues with women. It is still pretty easy for me to cut someone off if I feel like they can only offer me an unhealthy friendship. I walk away with ease from anyone who is clearly not suited for adult interactions or understanding of where boundaries lay. But the return for my ability to end those unhealthy ties before they even begin is that I am able to invest most of my time into relationships that matter. Friendships with people who are able to give as much as they take. Women who are strong and intelligent. Beautiful and kind. Warm and compassionate.

Women who I am proud to call my friends.

I don’t know how or why I have been so blessed.

But I will always be grateful for these women.

For their honesty.

Their laughter.

Their love.

And their incredible friendships I often feel I do not deserve.

Friendships I am blessed to have.