A lesson in humility.
A lesson in resilience.
And most of all; a lesson in patience.
I have had to learn that I cannot mold my world the way I see fit.
That no matter how hard I fight, there are some things in this life that I just can’t force.
And that sometimes, even if I may desperately want to rush things; they are still going to happen all in God's time.
It is a lesson I hate to admit that I am still having to learn and relearn.
Sometimes daily in fact.
The road to surgery has unfortunately hit another road block.
My insurance company has denied the procedure in it's entirety.
I have to admit that getting that phone call today was less than fun. In fact, I sunk down in my chair for a few minutes and sulked.
But then I remembered that God has never stopped providing for me. Even as I have felt doors being slammed in my face, I can admit that I have stood by in awe as others have opened.
I did not get what I wanted in this baby making journey, and for that I am crushed.
But I cannot believe that God’s plan is for me to suffer in pain and misery as well.
Even today, as I grew more and more uncomfortable sitting in my office chair (pain literally shooting down both hips from the endo on my nerve endings); I had a sense of calm wash over me. And I knew it wouldn’t be like this forever.
That one way or another, I was going to find some relief from this disease.
But that it may just happen in God’s time, instead of my own.
And that’s OK. Because I do believe that He is going to provide for me here. That things are going to end up working out exactly as they should.
So, I began the legwork on fighting with my insurance company. I recruited my incredible HR ally, and I contacted my doctor’s office up here to send the insurance company my records. I have copies of everything, but my hope is that those records will mean even more coming from my doctor.
My doctor whose blessing I have to go out of state for this surgery.
I have a feeling (hope/wish/belief) that this will all be worked out and resolved quickly. And that we will be able to get back to the business of scheduling and arranging for my surgery here soon.
Because after the high of realizing that it was all going to happen yesterday, I cannot believe it is going to be axed because of something as ridiculous as my insurance company deciding they simply don’t want to pay.
There is a way to fix this. And I have no doubt that we are going to be able to find that way.
I’m just going to have to remember that it's going to be in God’s time rather than my own.
One of these days though, I promise you; I am actually going to learn that lesson, and not forget it again.
(Courtesy of Google Images)
God’s time is not my own.
But some days, I’d still like to buy Him a new watch.
