OK, it’s not really sad.
In fact, I should probably feel pretty gosh darn grateful right about now.
But after all that build up?
It is a little sad.
Because it turns out; there is no squirrel poop in my bags of loose herbs.
After spending an abnormal amount of time sifting through the contents and trying to figure out which pieces could in fact be feces (frighteningly enough – there were more than a few things that could have passed), I finally spoke to Teeny.
Who informed me that sadly, the FDA has banned the sale of flying squirrel poop.
She hadn’t known this until she had called in my prescription for the loose herbs after my last appointment. Which is why she hadn’t told me until now.
But there is no squirrel poop.
She did explain that the rest of the herbs should still make a difference, and this is not the end of the world.
But really FDA? You will approve drugs that make people violently ill and cause all kinds of nasty side effects, but you won’t allow me to ingest squirrel poop in the privacy of my own home?
Ludicrous.
(Cue sigh of relief, because I really [REALLY] did not want to be drinking squirrel poop.)
There were still about 10 different loose herbs in those bags though. All with Chinese names that I couldn’t even begin to pronounce if my life depended on it.
I was going to list off the herbs here for the benefit of anyone who may care to know, but then I figured there would be at least one of you out there who would Google all the possible issues with each and every one of those herbs and send me a detailed (and disturbing) e-mail telling me that what I’m about to start drinking is going to kill me.
Just to be clear – I don’t really care.
I’ve done my own Googling, and at this point none of the side effects from these herbs sound scarier to me than the side effects of the drugs Western Medicine had me injecting myself with. I am at the point where I know I do not have it in me to do another round of Lupron, and I’m equally unprepared to submit to the big ‘H’. So if choking down some natural herbs can even possibly offer me relief from this disease, I’m going to do it.
Consequences be damned.
(Again though – oh so grateful that there is no squirrel poop!)
If you're interested in what I’m taking for your own personal treatment plans though, feel free to e-mail me. I would be happy to share with you the names of the herbs Teeny has ordered. She did have to call in a prescription for me, so I’m not sure it’s anything you could get on your own, but if you have an eastern medicine practitioner who could facilitate the process for you – I would happily share what I know.
You may want to give it a few weeks though. Make sure I’m not dead first.
I have no problem being the endometriosis guinea pig!
Of course, before that could happen; I still needed to cook this stuff.
I walked in the door tonight, and was about knocked over by it.
I kind of wish there was some way to make this blog scratch 'n sniff, because seriously – you have all got to smell this.
It’s not even bad per se, but it is strong. Too strong for 10 tiny little bags of herbs.
Each bag was supposed to give me a few servings, but I decided my best bet at this point would be to boil them all down at once, and get the liquid in my fridge and the remnants out of my house.
That was the only way I figured I was going to escape the smell.
Of course, I couldn’t actually boil them all down at once. Because of my inferior pots and specific dosing instructions, I’m going to have to do a few bags at a time.
But my first pot has been brewed, and I am feeling quite confident in my ability to do the rest.
All I had to do was simmer 3 cups of water for every 1 bag for 20 minutes.
I’ll be honest, I felt a little bit like Harry Potter during this experiment.
Making up my own witches brew.
I then strained out that liquid into a bowl, and added 2 more cups of water per bag to the pot for another 15 minutes of simmering.
Strained that out, and dumped the remnants.
Rinse and repeat.
I put my experimental phase in a bowl last night (because it was the only thing I had big enough to contain the heated liquid), but today I went and bought myself a big glass pitcher. I’ll finish boiling everything else down tonight.
I’ve had two glasses so far, and I have to admit; it’s not as bad as I thought it would be.
With a smell that strong, I was truly terrified to actually let this stuff touch my lips. But the taste is far more bland than I would have expected.
Ridiculously bitter, but still fairly bland.
Teeny said I can do anything I need to do in order to get it down too. So far a little honey seems to do the trick.
She’s pretty confident that this could be the solution to all my endometriosis ails. I love how excited she gets about this stuff. She truly believes that if I commit to 2-3 glasses of this concoction a day (and a clean diet) my pain will ease and by my next period I will already see a difference.
And I am just hoping and praying and trusting in her optimism.
In the meantime though, I’ve got to go finish boiling up what should be about a 2 week supply of squirrel poop tea.
Minus the squirrel poop.
Bottoms up.
