I am not a private person.
In fact, there is very little in my life that I would ever hesitate to discuss openly with anyone who asked.
But for me, that’s a personal choice. Or I guess more accurately; it’s a personality trait. One which I have never really been able to escape, no matter how uncomfortable it tends to make those around me.
For so many others though, it isn’t in their nature or comfort level to put everything on display.
And that’s completely acceptable. I would even venture to guess that it’s totally normal.
Far more normal than me and my bare all attitude for sure!
Unfortunately, it seems like so often family building becomes a public endeavor. A quest which everyone has an opinion on. A direction they believe you should take.
As someone wrote to me last week, there is never a “right” answer in the eyes of everyone else. If you adopt, someone wants to know why you didn’t utilize fertility treatments. If you do utilize fertility treatments, someone wants to know why you didn’t adopt. If you adopt internationally, there are questions as to why you didn’t adopt domestically. If you do adopt domestically, someone will undoubtedly ask why you didn’t choose to adopt an older child. Or one within your race. Or even a child with disabilities.
Everyone has an opinion. An expectation for you to make the same choices they would if they were in your shoes.
Even though they’ve never actually been in your shoes.
And for some reason, it seems that so many of us within the infertility community feel the need to answer. To defend our decisions. To explain ourselves, when in reality; no explanation should be necessary.
Because it’s personal. This entire thing is personal. And it shouldn’t become our responsibility to make sure everyone else understands that.
That’s what my new article at Fertility Authority is about this week. The conundrum that takes place when everyone else thinks they have a right to infringe upon your personal and private decisions.
And the reaction we should all have when people try to get too involved; It’s personal.
All of it really is so personal, but sometimes it helps to discuss it with other women who understand too. Women who have been there. Women who get it.
Which is why we have the Live Infertility Chats every Sunday. Our 15th chat will be hosted this weekend at 3pm Alaska time. If you have dealt with any level of infertility, please feel free to stop by the community and join us. We would love to hear your story and support you in whatever way we can.
You can catch up on past chats here if you would like:
Live Infertility Chat: Week 14
Live Infertility Chat: Week 13
In the meantime though, don’t be afraid to tell people when they are stepping on your toes regarding this infertility process. Don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself and proclaim: It’s personal.
Because it is. And you are the only one who will have to live with the decisions you make along this path.
It’s personal.
But it is also something you don’t have to go through alone either.
We're here. Fighting, striving, and screaming alongside you.
Every step of the way.
Making our own personal choices, just as you make yours.
And simply grateful for this community of women who "get it", even when it feels as though no one else does or ever will.
ADSPACE
