Sitting in that room yesterday, with my feet placed firmly in the stirrups, and my embryos displayed up on a screen for me to look at; it brought me back.
Back to July.
Back to the last time I was here.
Back to being so sure I was pregnant, that no one could have told me otherwise.
This week I wrote a post for Fertility Authority about how devastating it can be to go through a cycle so sure you're pregnant, only to find out you're not. It was centered around the fact that the drugs especially do it to us. All the side effects of the injections involved in baby making mimic the side effects of pregnancy.
They are entirely indiscernible.
And so it's easy. To trick yourself. To let your body believe you.
To convince yourself pregnant, even when you're not.
Going into this round, I think I understand that better. I understand that my body has ceased to be my own. That nothing it does now is within my control.
And that the weird changes going on could have as much to do with the drugs I'm shooting myself up with as they could have to do with a baby.
This round, I do not believe I will be counting on any of those signs. Mostly because they led me so astray last round.
This round, it is all about those 2 pink lines.
Lines, which I will start looking for on Sunday. The beautiful thing about transferring day 6 embryos is that by Sunday, I will be 3dp6dt, or 9dpo (for those of you who get to do this the "natural" way!) That's when I started testing last time. It's early enough for me to not be too upset by the negatives, but still possible for me to get a positive.
Especially if we're talking twins.
So Sunday it is. The first time I pee on a stick this round.
I'm kind of excited!
Sunday I will also be hosting the 11th Live Infertility Chat. If you are now, or ever have been, an infertility sufferer; this is the place to connect with other women who "get it". Simply swing by the community at 3:00pm Alaska time, and look for the live chat in progress. We would love to hear your story!
If you want to catch up on what's been discussed in the past weeks, you can do so here:
Live Infertility Chat: Week 10
Live Infertility Chat: Week 9
I highly doubt I'll have good news for you all by then, but I will tell you this:
If I start analyzing my symptoms, someone please slap me and remind what I already know!
I'm not pregnant, until I get those 2 lines.
ADSPACE
