It’s hard to be thankful right now.
With my empty womb and endo threatening to bring me to my knees for the past 3 days now; it’s hard to see a bright side.
But I am a big believer that there is always something to be thankful for.
That there are always silver linings.
And right now, I m thankful for finally feeling like I have a place back in Arizona. After 10 years of just hating being here, I am thankful for what is shaping up to be a good trip.
A comfortable trip.
A happy trip.
And I am thankful for good friends. Amazing friends. Friends who have always been there for me.
I am thankful for a job that allows me to provide for and support myself. One that was even incredibly flexible with me during my quest to get pregnant.
And today, I am also thankful for drawstring sweat pants. Because seriously – jeans on my pissed off belly are so not an option this Thanksgiving morning!
I’m thankful for sleeping in until 12:30, and for waking up to find my baby brother here.
And I’m thankful for good food, good times, and good company.
My heart is still aching. I still don’t know what I’m going to do or how I’m going to feel when it’s time for me to return to the real world and face what my life is going to look like now; and that empty room of mine that no longer has a purpose to serve.
I know the next year is going to be a mountain climb in terms of finding my way to a point of being happy with whatever it is God has determined I need.
But I will do it. I will climb that mountain and find my happy again.
Because that’s what I do.
It’s who I am.
And today, I am thankful for that as much as anything.
For being a woman of strength.
A woman of perseverance.
And for knowing that no matter what;
I will always survive.
And no matter how many battles I lose.
I will always win the war.
ADSPACE
