With everything else going on this week, I have to tell you that the thing I’ve been the most anxious about may not be what you would expect.
What has really been pushing me to the brink of insanity is the fear of having that crown put in.
As in, the kind of fear that induces cold sweats and makes me sick to my stomach when I think about it.
You would assume that as a girl who has now 3 nights in a row stuck herself in the tush with a giant needle, I would have nerves of steel.
You would assume wrong however.
There is just something so vulnerable about lying there in a dentists chair with your mouth propped open in such a way that you can’t even begin to talk. Breathing is forced, the whole setup is uncomfortable, and there is someone trying to stick needles in your gums.
And while I am getting used to needles, I’ve got to tell you; needles in your mouth is a whole other level.
Plus, you’re stuck there for who knows how long. In that position. Not moving. With someone poking around in your mouth.
It makes me woozy just to think about.
Which is why, I am thankful to admit that I got a reprieve this morning.
Perhaps I shouldn’t be so thankful, because it means that the work still needs to be done, but… I am not a girl with a new crown.
I’m just a girl who still has a crack in her molar.
When I showed up this morning to get the work done, my dentist sat me down and gave it to me straight. She told me she had been thinking and worrying about me all weekend, and that if I wasn’t in miserable pain (which I’m not) she just wasn’t sure this was something I should be doing right now.
According to her, it’s not entirely uncommon for someone to get a temporary crown on only to wind up needing a root canal days later. She said that sometimes the work involved for the crown just shifts things around in such a way that it becomes clear more work is needed, and there’s no way of really knowing that for sure until after the temporary crown has been in place for a little bit.
If this happened to me it would mean a decent amount of pain before, during, and after my transfer (which could lead to increased cortisol levels and a decreased chance of of those ice babies of mine sticking). It would also mean a necessary root canal in a few weeks – when I’ve already been told dental work is a big no-no during that first trimester at least.
She said she couldn’t make me any guarantees that I wouldn’t be one of the ones this happened to, so it was up to me. I could take the risk and hope it all worked out OK, or I could power through and hope that the pain and damage don’t get much worse.
I’ll give you two guesses which one I chose.
I’m sorry, but the risk of having anything even possibly ruin this cycle at this point just isn’t one I’m willing to take.
And if, as a byproduct, that means I didn’t have to have needles in my mouth this morning? So be it.
She did make a mouth guard for me though, in an attempt to keep my grinding from breaking the tooth even further.
So at the very least, I'll have that sexiness to deal with.
If this round ends up not working, I’ll go in sometime next month to get the crown taken care of. But if it does, I’ll be riding out the next 9 months and just hoping I don’t cause any further damage.
Which won’t be the end of the world.
Just one more thing to add to the ever growing list of loose ends I’ve currently been accumulating in my life.
One thing that will hopefully not be a loose end after tonight though? Mr. Fix-It.
If nothing else, he should know what I’m up to as of this evening.
And hopefully he won’t run the other direction screaming.
I was talking to Loo last night and telling her how nervous I was for this conversation, to which she replied “Of course you’re nervous! It’s a big deal! If it wasn’t a big deal, they wouldn’t have made a movie about it!”
I had to bust out laughing.
For those of you who keep quoting The Back Up Plan, let me just remind you of the fact that we already know that my life is not a Rom-Com.
Which means that this really could go either way.
And that’s scary.
You know what though?
If he can’t handle it, he’s not the guy for me. It’s not like I’m asking him to be the baby daddy at this point. I mean, heck, it’s not even like there is a baby in need of a daddy right now!
I’m going to make sure and let him know that I have no expectations of him whatsoever, but that this really is a big part of my life and I didn’t feel right hiding it.
And hopefully he’ll be receptive.
If not though?
I’ll be just fine.
Because in two days – I’ve got much bigger fish to fry.
Or babies to cook; however you want to look at it!
Whether or not Mr. Fix-It decides to stick around really isn’t my biggest worry at this point.
Because one way or another; I'm going to have to be turning my attention back to what really matters almost immediately.
And what really matters is those two ice babies of mine.
Now, if Mr. Fix-It manages to surprise me and be totally OK with all this?
Well, let’s just say I won’t be complaining!
Wish me luck.
I think I’m going to need it…
ADSPACE
