(Courtesy of Google Images)
For those of you who are willing to get up at all hours of the night to brave the chaos, all power to you.
But I am a much bigger fan of sleeping in!
My Thanksgiving followed the same pattern. Quiet, calm, and drama-free. In truth, probably one of the best Thanksgivings I have ever had. My dad had gone out of his way to plan a simple Thanksgiving dinner at his house with just immediate family. Typically Thanksgiving has always included lots of cousins and aunts and uncles. Within the last few years, that list has expanded to new babies. And this year - to at least one pregnant belly.
The truth is, I just wasn’t ready for that. I didn’t have it in me. I know that someday I will have to get over that ache, but now, less than a week after finding out my cycle failed – I wasn’t there.
And so, dad changed a long standing family tradition; for me. We had a quiet and simple dinner with just 7 of us sitting around the table.
It was heavenly. Exactly what I needed. No drama, no trying to explain what’s going on with me to people who don’t understand, and no slapping a fake smile on my face as my cousins gush over their pregnancies and children.
Like I said – I know eventually I will need to get over this. But I’m not there yet. And I am beyond grateful to my dad for recognizing this and not trying to force me into anything.
As a result – this was a breakdown free Thanksgiving.
Something that may not have been promised otherwise.
I truly hope that all of you had as peaceful a Thanksgiving as I did. I think we all know how chaotic large family gatherings can be, and for those out there suffering from infertility – I know it is even harder. My heart goes out to you, and I hope you were able to find a way to enjoy the holiday as well.
I have a new post up at Fertility Authority for those of you who like to follow along there. I wrote it last week, before I knew the results of my IVF cycle. It’s about the desire to test at home, even though deep down inside we all know we should be Waiting for Beta. It’s mildly ironic now, since it's no secret how testing from home turned out for me.
The truth is though, I’m still glad I tested. If nothing else, I think it helped to at least mildly soften the blow for me. Those negatives were whispering in my ear even as my hope started to rise again. Had I not tested at all, or ever seen those negatives – I’m not sure I would have been prepared at all for the bad news that was still to come.
Not that you can ever be fully prepared for that, but I do feel like those negative home tests helped me at least a little. They aided me in being as realistic as possible.
I’m struggling now though, trying to figure out what I’m going to write for Fertility Authority next week. The truth is – I don’t know where I am in this infertility journey anymore. I don’t know where I stand. I don’t know what comes next.
And the not knowing has me feeling a bit lost.
But I’ll figure it out soon (hopefully sooner than later) and let you all know when I do what comes next.
Because there will always be something that comes next. Even if it is simply waving the white flag and giving up.
I do want to give everyone a heads up that the Live Infertility Chat will not be happening this week. I will be flying back to Anchorage Sunday, and between spending as much time with my family as possible until I leave, and unpacking and getting ready for the week to come once I get home – rescheduling just isn’t really an option.
But we will be back on next week. Same time, same place. If you want to catch up on past chats between now and then, feel free to do so here:
Live Infertility Chat: Week 12
Live Infertility Chat: Week 11
In the meantime though, I do have a possibly endo related question over at the community right now. I've never heard of this happening before, so there may not be anyone out there who has any idea at all what I'm talking about, but if you do have any insight - I would really appreciate it!
I hope everyone is doing well and surviving the holidays as best they can. I know they can be rough, and I pray that all of you have the same level of incredible support I have right now.
I honestly couldn’t ask for more.
