I've been struggling a bit these last few weeks. Trying to come to terms with the fact that if this next round doesn't work, my baby making attempts are over.
It's easy for people to say that it isn't true, or that I'm young, or that I still have plenty of time, but... If I have two different rounds fail, there is just no way I could ever justify spending the money on another.
Forget that I doubt I could emotionally handle it, or that I loathe the idea of putting my body physically through another round of meds; logically it comes down to money. And the truth is, the money is the thing that will keep me from ever trying again.
The emotional and physical aspects will certainly play a part, but I could probably talk myself out of those two things.
It's the money (and the ever mounting debt) that I couldn't talk myself out of though. At some point you have to be willing to say that enough is enough. And anyway, if my endo keeps going at the rate it's going now; I won't even have anything left by the time I pay off the debt I built up with these tries.
So there it is. My line in the sand. If this next round doesn't work, I will need to let go of my dream of carrying a child.
My most recent post for Fertility Authority talks about those lines though, and acknowledges how quickly they can move after you've put them down.
All I can do is hope that no matter what happens, I will have the courage to keep my line right where it is now.
You can check that post out here if you're interested in how those lines get drawn.
And if you would care to let me know where your line is (how far you personally are willing to go to achieve that pregnancy) I would love to hear from you here!
Sunday will be another Live Infertility Chat. This week at 3:00 Alaska time, and then the same time from here on out. If you've never joined us for a chat, hop over to the community at that time and find out what you're missing.
You can check out the past months infertility chats here if you're looking to catch up on what's been discussed:
Week 7
Week 6
Week 5
I hope you'll swing by and share your story. Looking forward to another week of catching up ladies!
ADSPACE
