I either think both embryos are going to stick, or neither are. For reasons I cannot even explain though, I have a strong feeling that this next round will not result in a singleton pregnancy.
Of course, I find myself questioning almost daily how much I can really trust my gut this time around. I mean, I was so incredibly positive the last round would work. Coming home on that plane from Seattle, I truly believed I was pregnant. With everything inside of me, I believed that my baby to be was sticking around.
And I was wrong.
So, it's hard to put too much faith into my gut now. Because, what if my gut is simply setting me up for heartbreak yet again?
Still… My gut is definitely leaning towards the outcome of twins. Two embryos sticking. Two tiny lives growing inside of me. And two babies in my arms in the end.
Maybe it’s because of that dream way back when, but… I just keep picturing two.
(Courtesy of Google Images)
And I hate to say it, but there have been little signs and hints from the universe that it may go that direction as well.
For instance, as I was preparing my first shot Tuesday night, new roommate started talking randomly about double yolks and the fact that she cracked an egg open to find one just a few days prior.
And we all know how I feel about double yolks.
Then when I was getting my blood drawn on Wednesday, the nurse doing the work flippantly mentioned something her twins had done; having no idea at that point that I'm trying to get pregnant (I was having my thyroid levels checked for Dr. Naturopath).
Both of these things during the first week of injections felt like rainbows shooting out of the sky at me. I realize they may seem trivial and small to others, but really; how often do you meet people who have twins? And how regularly does someone just start randomly talking about double yolks in your presence?
So yes, I am taking both occurrences as signs of my babies to be.
And today, as the first bout of Lupron-induced nausea started to kick in; I reminded myself what this was all for. So even as my stomach was telling me I needed something greasy and cheesy to quell the upset, I ate my apple and sipped my potato leek soup instead. I did have a long talk with my stomach about why it seems to request the worst possible things for me when it’s not feeling well (because really, what is that about?!? Am I the only person who craves total junk when she’s sick to her stomach? It seems like the exact opposite should be true, but nooooooo. When I’m nauseas, I want baked macaroni and cheese and pizza with ranch dipping sauce. Not normal.) But when I realized that my stomach wasn’t going to listen to me I simply ignored those horrendous cravings and ate the healthy meal I had packed for lunch as planned (trying to avoid losing it the whole time).
Because I’m telling you what, if I succumb to those cravings every time I get nauseas over the next few months, I'm pretty sure I’ll be obese by Christmas.
When really, I’ll already have plenty of non-junk-food related weight gain to be worried about as it is.
Because from what I hear, two babies make you fatter than one.
