There’s my regular OB/GYN, Teeny, Dr. Headshrink, Dr. RE, and Dr. Naturopath. Then there’s also the dermatologist who seems to take great joy in cutting into me once a year as well.
(Side note – I never did update you on that last lovely biopsy. It did come back abnormal. Not cancerous mind you, but abnormal. I have a follow up in December to re-check and make sure they got it all. In the 10 years I’ve been having skin cancer checks though, that’s the first time one has come back abnormal. Meaning, it’s probably safe to say my years of sunbathing as a teen are finally going to catch up with me and land me in the same boat my dad, uncles, and grandmother are all in. Poor pops actually just had surgery this week on three different spots on his face. He said he looks like Frankenstein! Moral of the story? Wear sunscreen and stay out of tanning beds!)
I do feel the need to point out however, that you don’t see the name of a general practitioner there. In fact, I’ve never once written about being sick and needing a general practitioner at all. That’s because I don’t have one, and I don’t need one. I haven’t had so much as a cold in years, and I am a far cry from a pill popper when it comes to general health. I am, in every other aspect, a very healthy girl.
I just think it’s important to make sure you know that solely because I would assume that a random lurker might see that list and come to the conclusion that I’m a hypochondriac or chronically ill, and I’m not. I am not a sick girl. I’m just a girl with endometriosis, who also happens to have a bit of mental instability as a result.
Don’t judge me.
Back on point though; in the last month, every one of those practitioners has told me I need to work on staying calm and relaxed during this cycle.
That’s right. I’ve heard the dreaded “relax”. Over, and over, and over again.
I think that word makes most infertiles cringe, because it implies that by simply relaxing and letting go of the stress we’ll be able to achieve pregnancy.
The problem with that is a.) Until you’ve been through what I’ve been through, don’t tell me to relax. and b.) For me anyway, I’m pretty sure relaxing isn’t going to make my left tube grow back, or the scar tissue destroying my right disappear. I’m pretty sure relaxing isn’t going to make my ovaries rid themselves of scarring and endometriosis either. Seeing as I have less than 5% odds of ever getting pregnant naturally, I'm willing to bet that relaxing isn’t going to bring me a baby all on its own.
But, there is something to be said for relaxing in the midst of a cycle, and I do get that. Logically, it does make sense. Stress hormones aren't good for anyone, and they can certainly derail the baby making process. Truth be told, I’ve actually been far more relaxed this cycle than last. Perhaps it’s because I’ve been down this road before and know what to expect, or it may be because in many ways I’ve given up control this time around and recognized that I can’t force my desired outcome to occur.
It also may be because I cut at least one source of stress out of my life this time around. It’s no secret that last cycle, the ex was a big cause of sadness and frustration for me. Oh I how I sobbed over him, in the midst of a cycle when my focus should have been 100% on making a baby. Not having him here playing the same old games and refusing to forgive me while also refusing to let me go; it has made this round so much more manageable. Allowed me to focus on what’s really important rather than attempting to single handedly repair a relationship with someone who clearly just didn’t care enough.
But according to that team of professionals I referred to earlier, I'm still not relaxed enough. I think the fact that my eye has been twitching for the last two weeks may have tipped them off.
And so, I am following doctor’s orders. Last night, I slept for 12 straight hours (talk about IF exhaustion!) I'm still not quite sure how that happened (beyond the fact that Lupron clearly sucks energy out of me), but I'm glad I turned off my alarm and phone and allowed it to. If I was able to sleep like that, I obviously needed it.
I'm doing sleep one better too though. I'm getting massages.
(Courtesy of Google Images)
I have a one scheduled this afternoon, and another for a few days prior to leaving for Seattle. I’m not going to my previous favorite salon, mostly because I’m pretty sure that last experience only worked to add stress to my life. And also because, when I finally did build up the nerve to write the spa director about my experience (in an incredibly polite e-mail I must point out) I never did hear back from her. At all.
Which was really just even more annoying. I didn’t want anything at all out of that e-mail (and I said as much pretty clearly), but… I had adored that spa, and then to have such an awful experience and not even get an apology?
Let’s just say I won’t ever be going back or recommending them to anyone again.
In the words of Julia Roberts “Big mistake. Big. Huge.”
(If you didn't know that was from Pretty Woman, I don't think we can be friends.)
And now I must go spend my money, on a massage that will hopefully keep me fully relaxed and at ease. A bit of pampering to prepare this body of mine for 9 blessed months of incubating.
Because hey; who am I to scoff at Doctor’s orders?
