Life is about the waiting.
Waiting to turn 16 so that you can finally drive and gain some independence.
Waiting for the boy you like to call and ask you to prom.
Waiting to hear if you got into the college of your choice.
Waiting to find out if you passed your courses.
Waiting to find your dream job.
Waiting to fall in love.
And waiting to be told the fate of your reproductive organs.
I have spent most of today waiting; obsessively checking my e-mail in hopes of news one way or the other. I haven’t even really cared which direction that news went; I’ve just wanted to know. To hear from my doctor in Seattle and know what the next plan of action is.
I’ve been in touch with my nurse today, and she has assured me that both she and Dr. RE have seen my ultrasound, and that each of them has also spoken to my OBGYN.
So, my doctors are talking. Discussing and dissecting the intricacies of my case and trying to determine the best course of action to get me that baby I’ve been dreaming about.
But so far; no one’s talking to me.
Except for my nurse.
Who politely reminded me this afternoon that I should be trying to avoid stress.
And so, I have attempted to patiently wait; reminding myself hourly that I have no control, and that whatever the decision is, I will get through it – and I will figure out how to make it my path to baby.
Still… the anticipation is killing me.
And, I’m starting to get a finger ache from clicking refresh on my e-mail every 5 minutes.
It has only now hit me that the offices at Seattle Reproductive Medicine have likely closed down for the day, and I won’t be getting any answers this evening.
Making tomorrow; another day of waiting.
Like I said – I really don’t care what the solution is anymore. Whatever I need to do, I will make it happen. And, I really can see pros and cons to both sides (yes, even to another surgery – because at least another surgery would ease some of this pain I’m in right now and clear out all the unhealthy tissue pre baby!) I just want to know.
And, I never have been good at waiting.
As most of you know – it gives me the twitches.
And yes, I have developed a bit of an eye twitch the last few days. One that doesn’t seem too interested in letting up.
So, here I sit; the neurotic infertile with a twitch in her eye and an inability to look away from her email tab for more than a few minutes at a time.
Just waiting for an answer.
To put an end to the waiting.
Because it’s starting to feel like that’s all I do anymore.
Wait. And wait. And wait.
And, I would really prefer my life be a wait-free zone for a while.
So that I can build up some waiting patience for the only wait that really matters;
The two week wait.
This time; with two lines at the end.
ADSPACE
