Literally, there is nothing in it.
At all.
I’ve had this room set aside to be my nursery. But, I haven’t wanted to do anything to it nursery-esque because… well, because; what if there is never a baby to put in that room?
I’ve seen Sex In The City. I know how much that fully decorated nursery with no baby pained Charlotte. I remember seeing her wince every time she ever walked past it.
Of course, there is something to be said for the pain that is incurred by walking past the empty room that was meant to be a nursery after a failed cycle as well. There is wincing there too.
Still. I’m not sure the pain incurred by the empty room would be quite the same as that incurred by a fully prepped nursery.
And so, I have refused to turn my baby room into a baby room. I walk past the baby aisle at target and I find myself running my fingers across cribs and changing tables. I test out rocking chairs and I dream of the new color scheme this empty room of mine will have once I know what kind of baby is going into it. I think about the need for new black out blinds and contemplate where everything will go. Once I even had furniture in my cart. I don’t know how I had talked myself into it, but there I was – walking proudly to the checkout stand with a matching crib and changing table. Thinking about how I would spend the evening putting these pieces of furniture together. Convincing myself that starting to decorate would be a good thing actually – a sure sign of positive thinking.
I wound up backing out at the last minute. Having to let the person behind me in line go ahead of me while I returned the furniture I as of yet have no use for.
Because I knew. I knew that another failed round would suddenly turn a decorated baby’s room into a complicated torture device.
So, as much as I would like to start; as much as I would love to decorate and plan and start putting the pieces together… I won’t. Not yet. Probably not until I hear a heartbeat.
Or heartbeats.
Besides, the truth is that once that baby (or babies) arrive, they likely won’t be spending much time in their nursery anyway. As a single mama, the chances are much stronger that I'm going to have those little ones in bassinets right by my bed; where they are easy to get to and I feel like I have a better grasp on the fact that they are actually breathing through the night!
My babies will probably be in my room well past the crib stage, so it will almost be humorous to have a fully functional nursery.
But we all know I will have one. Because that’s just what you do. It’s part of the fun. Part of making a space in your life just for those little ones to be. Part of acknowledging that everything is about to change.
And until I have solid proof that everything really is about to change, I probably should keep up my end of the bargain by maintaining this empty room.
Keeping it as a blank canvas – until the time arrives when I can confidently turn it into more.
Except, that isn’t what’s going to happen.
I will no longer be maintaining an empty room.
In about a week in fact, something is going to change.
Something which will give this empty room purpose again.
There is news to come…
