When I first started coming to terms with what my infertility journey would become, I felt exponentially alone. I knew no one who had gone through this. No one who was struggling to conceive. No one who was facing the possibility of it never happening. No one who hadn’t simply gotten pregnant as soon as they decided they wanted to (and oftentimes – long before they even hit that point).
No one.
I had plenty of friends who didn’t have children – but for them, it was all by choice. None of them had faced the heartbreak of trying and failing. In fact, for many of them – two lines would have been a heartbreak all its own.
My friends with children understood even less. To them, conceiving had been simple. Easy. Something they had accomplished without even thinking about it.
Which is why it was near impossible for them to understand what I was feeling. No matter how hard they tried.
I felt alone, and often found myself wondering “why me?”
And then, I discovered this world. This world of infertility that exists within the confines of the internet ether. Women reaching out to each other, joining hands, and bonding over one shared common denominator.
The inability to conceive at will.
There are so many stories within this world. Just yesterday, during our live infertility chat, I was once again blown away by how unique and individualized our paths all are – even though we still share that one common tie.
Within the blogging world, there are stories of women trying for years, failed cycle after failed cycle slowly chipping away at their psyches. Women who hit the point of no return, and simply can’t keep trying any longer. Women who go the route of adoption, only to have placement after placement fall through.
There are also stories of hope though. Women who get pregnant on that first IUI, or who walk away with twins from IVF. Women who, after years of trying, finally get that BFP. And women who’s wounds from infertility heal as they watch their adopted child grow and know (just know) that this child was meant for them.
Hearing these stories (reading into the hope, and pain, and loss) is one of the rare things that reminds me that I am not on this journey alone. I am not walking this path by myself. There are so many others out there; struggling and fighting and striving to reach that same goal that feels so out of reach some days. So many others like me, with stories all their own.
But finding your way within this world is also a struggle; an adjustment. I was recently asked to start writing on a semi-regular basis for fertilityauthority.com. Knowing that this space here would always be my personal account of my infertility journey, I struggled to determine what I could write for them there that would be different from what I'm doing here.
Then it hit me: there is a story that lays directly in the effort of finding your footing and place in the world of IF. Thus, my writings there (under the title: Fitting (In)Fertile) will chronicle the lessons learned while attempting to stabilize oneself after an infertility diagnosis. You can check out my first article for them here, and look forward to updates on at least a weekly basis.
Meanwhile - this space here will remain my daily diary. It's not going anywhere!
You are not alone. No matter how many nights you cry yourself to sleep and feel as though no one could ever understand, please know; you are not alone.
There is someone out there who has walked your path and cried your tears. Someone who understands and feels for you every step of the way.
Someone who gets it.
Always remember: you are not alone.
ADSPACE
