“There are going to be lots of single men there.”
That’s what my friend Loo said to me this afternoon. She was referencing a BBQ that's being thrown tonight by a doctor she currently works with.
A BBQ she wants me to go to with her.
A BBQ where I wouldn’t be able to eat dairy, gluten, sugar, or meat (week 2 of the cleanse cuts out meat for the week as well), and I wouldn’t be able to drink any alcohol.
“What on earth am I going to do there Loo?" I said, admittedly a little flustered at the simple thought. "I’m going to be that girl! The one standing in the corner nursing her weird dietary habits at the expense of being social. What are you even supposed to do with your hands if you can't eat and drink at a place like that?!?”
Because let’s be real; at a party where everyone is eating and drinking, the one person who will take part in neither is a bit of a social pariah.
People ask. They want to know why you aren’t partaking in the goodness and imbibing in the spirits. They want to know if you’re a recovering alcoholic or if you're a girl who is far too obsessed with her weight.
I know this not because I have ever been that girl (hello – I dig food, and I drink at BBQ’s); but because I have totally judged that girl.
I admit it. I've wondered why she was such a stick in the mud. I've questioned what she was even doing there. I've made fun of her inability to let loose and drop the diet for just one night.
And now; I am so going to be that girl.
It would be one thing if I was pregnant. If that was the reason I was restricting myself so wholly, I'd shout it from the rooftops with pride - and people would understand.
But I'm not the pregnant girl watching her diet for what's best for the baby. Instead, I'm the single girl who is desperately trying to get pregnant. The one who is changing up her diet in an attempt to treat the lady parts disease she has as naturally as possible - like a hippy. The one who is doing all of this in the hopes of transferring frozen embryos (that were created with donor sperm) into her uterus with success in just a few months.
DING DING DING! We have a winner!
I will officially be the most socially awkward person there.
But, I think I’m going to go anyway. A night out could be good for me. Spending time with one of my closest friends could be good for me. Single men could be good for me.
And really, Loo is only recently single again herself. I think it’s possible she may need me to be her wing-woman on this man hunt. She’s probably going to need backup. I’m not sure if she even remembers how to flirt appropriately.
OK, that’s a lie. Loo would do just fine on her own (although, I am secretly excited to have a single friend up here with me again – I loved her boyfriend, but I love having a wing-woman of my own too! All my other friends in Alaska are married with kids - because that's what people do up here.) But seriously, if I’m going to make this diet change and no alcohol thing a permanent fixture in my life for a while, I suppose I should learn how to be social while still following the rules. I’m going to have to be that girl at some point, right? It’s not like I’m just going to stay locked up in my bedroom for the next several months.
If I’m going to have to face a socially awkward setting eventually, I might as well give it a go now.
In the name of "lots of single men".
Single men who will possibly be intoxicated enough to not notice what a stick in the mud I am.
Still… I should probably attempt to come up with a good story for when someone asks why I’m not eating or drinking. Something that has absolutely nothing at all to do with my health or with me being a weirdo who is far too concerned with her diet. Something that makes me sound kind of cool and mysterious.
Yep. I’ve got nothing.
Maybe I’ll get lucky and Loo will pick up on a good looking guy with a wing-man of his own.
Someone who’s willing to take one for the team and talk to me for a while.
Without acknowledging what a loser I am.
Or trying to hand me a beer.
ADSPACE
