I’m struggling to fall asleep, and then even when I do; I wake up 3 or 4 times throughout the night.
The result? I’m exhausted.
I’ve never been the greatest sleeper, but the last year that had really turned around. I think the stress of everything else finally hit me, and I was crashing as soon as my head hit the pillow. I was sleeping harder than I have ever slept in my whole life.
It was the one good thing I could say about this whole mess – for the first time in my life, I was a good sleeper.
This last week though, I have been back to my old ways; and I don’t like it.
I don’t like feeling like I’m dragging throughout the day.
I don’t like that I’m having trouble remembering the words for simple things in the middle of conversations.
I don’t like the dark circles under my eyes.
I don’t like the consistent yawning, or fighting to keep my eye lids open while sitting at my desk.
And I don’t like that no matter how difficult a time I am having sleeping throughout the night, I simply can’t pull myself out of bed in the morning.
I don’t like it.
I spoke to Teeny about it yesterday, and she thinks that my Cortisol levels are probably a little haywire right now; causing the sleepless nights. She sent me home with a sample bottle of a blend of herbs that are supposed to assist with sleep (hoping that a lesser involved treatment could get me out of this rut and back to sleeping again), but she said that if it didn’t work two nights in a row I should swing back by and she would get me something specifically to help regulate my Cortisol.
Well, I took it last night, and I was still exhausted this morning. I tried to go down at 10, but it took me at least 2 hours to shut off my brain and fall asleep. After that; I woke up at 2, 3, and 5.
Not fun.
And today, you can literally see the consequences of the lack of sleep all over my face.
But, there was one shining moment amidst an otherwise fit-full night’s sleep: I married Gerard.
Gerard Butler that is.
For those of you who don’t know, I have a little crush on Gerard. I’m pretty sure he and I are soul mates. I’ve convinced myself that we could have quite a happy life together.
And last night, in my dreams, I proved myself right.
Granted, this wasn’t actually Gerard. It’s hard to explain (because it really was him) but instead of being a rich and famous actor, this guy was a shy cop in a small town in Canada.
Don’t ask me why or how I met a cop in a small town in Canada who was the spitting image of Gerard… this is just how my dreams work.
I was driving through his town (in the smallest car you’ve ever seen – it was bizarre), and good old Gerard pulled me over; not because I was doing anything wrong, but because he wanted to admire my little car.
To each their own Gerard.
We got to talking though, and I was instantly smitten by his charming good looks and his southern politeness (yes, he had southern politeness in Canada – I repeat; this is how my dreams work). Before I knew it, he was in my little car with me and we were driving to his cabin on the water that was secluded from everything and everyone.
Except, there was a casino nearby. Again; I can't explain it – casinos have a way of appearing in my dreams. Which is funny, because I have never been a big fan of gambling.
But back to Gerard; in my dream, my cop version of Gerard was sweet, and kind, and good. He was concerned and just wanted to take care of me.
He was pretty much everything I could ever hope to find in a man.
Plus, he was freaking Gerard Butler!
We got married on that lake in a very private ceremony and were living happily ever after when I awoke suddenly.
Stupid alarm clock.
And today, all day, I have been fighting the desire to play hooky from my life and crawl back into bed as soon as possible; both because I am just completely exhausted, and because I really think I should get back to my life with Gerard.
I’m sure he must miss me desperately.Plus, I think we were just about to make a baby.
