At least once every other day for the last two weeks, I have definitely been ingesting gluten.
When I have decidedly meant to be gluten free.
Stop giving me those looks. Seriously. It wasn't intentional. I didn’t mean to. It was an accident. I didn’t even know I was doing it.
I’m claiming ignorance here. Anything else just isn’t a fair accusation. I really do have serious willpower - I was just knocked over by stupidity apparently.
You see, I have a thing for Muesli.
I have always had a thing for Muesli. It is yummy and filling and comes out of the tubs at the health food store – making me feel that much more enamored with it (because we all know that the tubs at the health food store are really where the goodness is at!) I used to mix it up with yogurt and fruit and call it one of my favorite breakfasts, but obviously I know that yogurt contains dairy (which has also been nixed on this road to fighting endometriosis naturally) so I have pulled that from my diet with ease.
What I did not realize was that Muesli contained gluten. You see, I already had a big bag of it in my pantry when I started this cleanse. A big plastic bag with absolutely no nutritional information (because that's all listed on the bins at the health food store of course!) I hadn’t even thought twice about eating it, but as I was devouring my oatmeal one morning (because I had been told that just plain oats were gluten free and therefore safe) I spied my Muesli and thought “Hey! That’s just oats and raisins! I can totally have Muesli.”
Wrong.
Now, this was all more or less unconscious. The next morning I poured my Muesli and some almond milk with fruit, and I went to town. I didn’t think about whether or not this really was an approved part of the cleanse - I didn't think at all. I just assumed.
Wrongly.
It wasn’t until yesterday morning as I was eating this divine treat that it dawned on me; I had never actually checked the ingredients to Muesli. I had no idea what was in it.
The moment of realization washed over me, and I just knew that this was something I probably shouldn’t have been eating. All it took was one trip to the health food store to confirm my fears; wheat and barley – both sources of gluten.
I had been unconsciously sneaking gluten for the past 2 weeks.
Fail.
That’s not the best part though. As I was hopelessly scouring the aisles for some gluten free Muesli (I found none, but I have since found a recipe to make my own – I am simply dragging my feet on making this a reality - mostly because I'm lazy) I spied gluten free oatmeal.
Wait. What?!? Hold the phone.
I thought oatmeal WAS gluten free. Like, by nature!
I slowly slapped myself over the head with the reality that I had been eating gluten for breakfast every single morning since I started this supposedly gluten free cleanse.
Every. Single. Morning.
I resigned myself to the fact that I am clearly clueless when it comes to the food I’m putting into my mouth. I don’t like to think about it too much. I just want to be able to eat with ease.
And I'm assuming that’s where I got tripped up. By not wanting to think too hard.
I put the $7.00 bag of gluten free oatmeal (compared to the $1.00 bag of the same size of regular oatmeal) into my cart and I sulked all the way to the checkout stand. While in line though, I Googled “Are oat’s gluten free?” (because I know I heard they were somewhere!) on my iPhone (what would I do without that beautiful contraption?) and was annoyed to find that there were completely mixed reviews. Site after site said that it wasn’t entirely known whether or not oats contained gluten - that it was possible that some were just exposed to wheat in processing factories, but that most factories didn't cross contaminate anymore.
Someone please explain to me how it is that a gluten free substitute could exist for a product that no one is even sure contains gluten in the first place?
I’m starting to think it’s all a scam. That nothing is actually gluten free, and if it is – it really isn’t all that great for you. All of the gluten free bread substitutes are devoid of any nutritional substance as far as I can tell, and I often find myself thinking that eating any of those options can’t possibly be better than eating the whole grain and high fiber bread I used to enjoy.
I’m at a loss.
And I am actually surprised to admit that I miss gluten more than I miss dairy.
I never (ever) thought those words would come out of my mouth. But, I've adjusted to my dairy free existence, and I’m doing OK with my cheese withdrawals. What I’m still struggling with though, is how limited my diet has become without gluten. How many of the items that I used to eat daily, which are now on my "do not ingest" list.
I have my follow up appointment with Dr. Naturopath next week, and I am wavering back and forth on telling her that I completely bombed the cleanse. It's embarrassing, and I don't really want to own up to my stupidity! I still have a week left, and I’m hoping that I can at least make up for it this week.
I’m also hoping to find out what I can and cannot add back in after this cleanse. We never really discussed what exactly my diet would be after this 3 weeks; I just assumed that dairy and gluten would be the two big things to keep out, since I’ve read about their connections to endo online before. But there are a lot of things I’m not allowed on this cleanse that I’m hoping I’ll be allowed to add back in after the fact (tomatoes, eggs, and corn all come to mind), so there is part of me that is holding out hope that gluten could be added back in within reason as well.
I know dairy doesn’t stand a chance of being put on the “OK” list (it just has too much of an effect on hormones), and I’m actually starting to think I can deal with that (who am I?!?) But this gluten free thing is for the birds.
Especially since I don’t even know what gluten is, so I have no idea what it is and isn’t in.
That’s probably something I should have tried to figure out 2 weeks ago.
But like I said – I am a gluten free failure.
