After getting lots (and lots) of input yesterday, I realized that in order to respond to everyone; I would have to say the same things over and over again. So instead; I give you an addendum to my previous post. A multi-faceted addendum with points I likely should have made clearer in my original meandering into this hot button topic:
The first point is: I am not perfect. I do not claim to be, and I have no interest in pretending to be. At one point in my life, alcohol was a huge priority of mine. I used to drink too much and too often; there was a phase there where someone could have argued that I may have had a problem. Drinking has been a rarity in my life for these last few years, but I've still harbored a love for wine and not too long ago I even got good and drunk in an attempt to drown away my sadness over my failed cycle.
I am not perfect, and I am not a teetotaler.
Just yesterday I caught myself thinking “Man, I can’t wait to get pregnant so that I can eat taco bell and pizza again!” Yep. That thought crossed my mind. And then I stopped in my tracks and laughed. I’m willing to eat 100% healthy and clean (because let’s not forget – I am currently off dairy, caffeine, gluten, and alcohol; and I’m not even pregnant!) in an effort to stay as healthy as possibly prior to getting pregnant, but it all goes out the door if I actually achieve that goal?
The simple answer is: yes. Will I still eat pretty healthy 90% of the time? Yes, yes I will. Mostly because that’s just me anyway. Caffeine and alcohol weren’t difficult for me to give up in the first place, so they won’t be difficult for me to continue refraining from. But, you had better believe that I am going to indulge in the occasional junk food that is less than healthy for me and baby. And I recognize that there are those who would frown upon even that. That’s my line though; and in my head taco bell every once in a great while really isn’t going to carry the same risk as a glass of wine just as occasionally would. In my mind, it simply isn’t the same thing.
But your line can be totally different, and that's fine.
Next up: Should bars have the right to refuse service to pregnant women?
Well… let’s not forget that most bars refuse to serve for so many things – things far less innocuous even.
Anyone who has ever been held at the door because they were wearing flip flops knows what I’m talking about.
So, legally and ethically – bars absolutely have the right to refuse service to a pregnant woman. Like I said; they refuse for far less.
In the same sentence though, women have the right to go to the next establishment down. Banning pregnant women from drinking is not a law and it never will be (nor do I think it should be) – so your rights really aren’t being infringed upon. If having a drink during your pregnancy is that important to you, I can promise that you will be able to find it somewhere else. But as long as doctors are allowed to refuse performing abortions and pharmacists are allowed to refuse filling plan B prescriptions based on moral and ethical grounds – bartenders should be allowed to refuse serving pregnant women if they so choose.
Private establishment = the right to refuse service to anyone for any reason.
When you can get me a drink at that bar in San Diego that wouldn’t allow me in because of my flip flops (in freaking San Diego!), then maybe I’ll change my stance on that. But until it is somewhere mandated that bars have to serve alcohol to anyone at any time; I’m not buying that anything illegal or immoral is taking place by them refusing service on ethical grounds.
Drinking in a bar really isn’t a “right” for anyone. And even if it were, should the cry for women's rights really go so far as to say that a pregnant woman's right to drink should trump the right of a server/bartender/owner at a private establishment to say "this doesn't feel right" and go with their gut? I don't think this should be a case of women's rights winning at the expense of all else. I think the person on the other side of that should have the right to follow their own conscience; the right to say "if you want a drink, you're going to have to take your business elsewhere."
As I said though, even I (as someone who spent many years of her life working in the bar/restaurant industry before graduating college) likely wouldn’t refuse to serve a pregnant woman. I would be extremely uncomfortable with it, but I wouldn’t refuse service. I just personally wouldn’t feel as though it was my place, but I can respect the position of servers who choose that other path.
We all have a line – even those yesterday who were arguing that drinking during pregnancy isn’t that big a deal had a line of where it was no longer acceptable. A point where they would suddenly look down on the mother for taking that risk. My line just happens to occur before your line (and no, not my “I’m looking down on you line”, but my “I simply don’t understand the point” line). I’m still not sure there is any benefit from alcohol that could outweigh the possible risk. But I also feel the same way about lunch meat and soft cheeses (and we all know how much I love cheese!) I won’t take that risk when I’m pregnant. It’s not worth it in my mind. There may be women who feel differently, but I am not one of them.
And again; I have a hard time believing your unborn child can get the hiccups based on what you’ve had for dinner, but that they aren’t getting at least some of what you’re drinking as well. The logic just isn’t there for me that alcohol is completely filtered out, but that everything else makes it through. If we can recognize that greater amounts of alcohol can lead to greater issues (and for any of you who have ever been around a child suffering from FAS or FASD – you know how tragic those issues can be), then why is it so hard to believe that smaller amounts could lead to lesser issues? And why would we want to risk harming our children in any way if it’s so completely avoidable; even if that risk is low. I fully understand taking certain medications during pregnancy because in those situations the benefit likely outweighs the risk. I just can’t wrap my head around any benefit from drinking that outweighs the possible risks it could inflict upon your child.
According to The March of Dimes, no amount of alcohol has been proven safe during pregnancy, and there have actually been studies done that do suggest an effect on the fetus even at low levels. Ultrasound studies have even shown that the babies of mothers who are drinking only one glass of wine per week continue to exhibit a startle reflex throughout the pregnancy that would typically end at 18 weeks otherwise. This is a clear effect of even minimal amounts of alcohol on the baby’s nervous system. It also indicates that babies are in fact affected by even those small amounts; who’s to say what other effects could be taking place that just aren’t as simple to quantify?
Now, some may feel that these issues simply aren’t big enough to worry about. But to me, in my mind; that line is definitely there. If I don’t need wine to get by in life (which I don’t believe any of us do), then why would I even take the chance that it could in any way shape or form injure my babies still developing brain cells. Even minor effects on my child’s brain simply don’t seem worth it to me.
There is unfortunately no research that suggests that drinking even small amounts of alcohol during pregnancy is safe, and so in my mind; it isn’t. However, even feeling that way; I do not believe for one second that this is something that should be legally mandated. In fact, not once did I ever mention legal mandates, but that seemed to be where a lot of people thought I was going. For the record, I would not want the government stepping in on this one. Certainly as long as smoking while pregnant, and even having abortions are legal (and while we’re on the subject – I am actually pro-choice, but that is another battle for another day!); drinking while pregnant should be as well. I’m not calling for a government mandate at all; I simply think that private businesses should be in a position to make moral and ethical decisions when it comes to how they run their establishments.
I've seen it all in the bar and restaurant industry; from places that will serve people into a stupor and then not say a thing as those customers walk out the door with car keys in hand, to establishments that make strict drink limits to avoid over intoxication. I think that when it comes to something as potentially harmful (across all levels) as serving alcohol (because let’s be real – most of us do drink or have at one point, but we can all recognize that alcohol is not the best thing we put into our bodies and that drinking in excess is less than healthy), business establishments should be in a position to set their own limits on what they feel comfortable with.
And let’s not for a second forget that we live in a litigious society where a new mother to a child with FASD very well may decide to sue all the establishments that served her while she was visibly pregnant. And she might just win too. After all, if a woman can sue McDonalds (and win over half a million dollars) because she burned herself with hot coffee; you had better believe there are women who would at least consider taking something like this to court. I’m not about to advocate for a bar or restaurant to put themselves at that kind of risk if they don’t want to.
And no, you can’t always tell that a woman is pregnant, and it is very possible that there are plenty at a bar on any given night who aren’t even aware they’re pregnant. Pee tests should not be a requirement before obtaining a drink, but when a woman is very obviously pregnant and a bartender is very truly uncomfortable? I’m not going to argue with them having that right to deny service. Like I said before; there is ALWAYS someplace that will serve you if getting a drink while pregnant means that much to you.
So, I'm stepping off my soap box now, I promise. I know what I will and will not take risks with, should I ever be blessed enough to experience pregnancy. That’s enough for me; the knowledge of what risks I’m willing to take. I don’t judge those with a different line than me, I just simply don’t understand it. Just as you likely don’t understand my hesitation. That’s life and in this great country of ours we are all able to make our own personal decisions regarding what is best for ourselves and our families.
I know where my line falls.
All you have to know is where yours is.
ADSPACE
