For once in my life, I think I know a controversial minefield before I step into it.
Usually I’m clueless (as was the case with the infamous "Smegma" post). Typically I have no idea what I’m setting myself up for when I wade into controversial waters.
But today I know. And I don’t care.
Not because I’m judgmental or bitter or think I’m better than anyone else; but because I genuinely do not understand.
And maybe I'm hoping some of you can open my eyes. Or at least see my point of view.
I read an article this morning that was about restaurants and bars refusing to serve pregnant women. There seemed to be a rather loud cry of foul from women who felt that it wasn’t a restaurants place to tell them whether or not they could drink. These women actually had some fairly good points that I was surprised to see myself understanding; if not fully agreeing with.
I say I was surprised, mostly because I am not a believer that women should drink during pregnancy.
Not a glass. Not a little bit. Not even a sip.
Now, I say this while recognizing and understanding that many doctors nowadays will tell their patients that small amounts of alcohol are fine. I believe I’ve heard that one glass of wine per week is acceptable. I also have several friends who I know have had a glass here and there while pregnant. I do not judge them, and I have certainly never tried to impose my values upon them, but…
I just don’t understand. To me, in my mind, it is not an acceptable risk.
I simply can’t imagine consuming any amount of alcohol while pregnant or breastfeeding. The benefits don’t outweigh the very real risks in my mind; I've never been someone who has needed alcohol, so I have a hard time justifying any risk when it's something that seems so completely avoidable.
The risk that the child could be born with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome or FASD (of which there are 40,000 incidents per year). The risk that even if the baby was born appearing “normal”, there could be underlying issues that wouldn’t appear for years to come. Health issues or developmental delays which may never be attributed back to that glass or two of pinot that were consumed during the 3rd trimester, but which could very possibly be linked.
And I understand the current belief that the blood stream and breast milk filter out most alcohol before it ever reaches the baby, but... if an infant can get indigestion simply because their mother has eaten a spicy dinner, I have a hard time believing that they aren't actually getting at least some of that glass of wine.
Most of us would never in a million years consider putting even trace amounts of wine into our babies bottle; so why would we consider giving it to them through our bodies?
The fear that I could be doing something that could in any way harm my child would prohibit me from even considering that one glass.
Because really, what benefit is that one glass going to give me that is worth even the smallest of risks?
Still, even feeling how I feel; I have been in the position of the servers mentioned in the article, and I have continued to serve. Not believing it was my place to tell a patron how to live her life, I served two bottles to a woman who was actively breastfeeding at my table during the 3 hours she was sitting there drinking. By the time I finally cut her off, it was because she was visibly intoxicated.
And I felt guilty. Guilt for that baby who must have gotten at least some of the liquor her mother was pouring down her throat, and guilt that I hadn’t had the courage to stop serving this woman earlier.
It’s a fine line though; the one that lies between the gut instinct that we should work to protect those who cannot protect themselves and the understanding that some things simply aren’t our business. It’s a line I have walked and fallen on the side of keeping my mouth shut, but; I can understand falling on the other side. I can understand refusing service when you feel ethically opposed to serving. A bar is a private establishment after all, and most reserve the right to refuse service to anyone for any reason.
I’m not sure this should be an exception to that rule.
We’ve been discussing this all day at the community (if you have thoughts on whether or not a bar should be allowed to refuse service to a pregnant woman, please come share them), and it has been weighing heavily on my mind. The points brought up there along with those from the article truly do have me seeing the other side.
I recognize that there is a line, and a point at which we go much too far in intruding upon a womans rights.
But even in that, I have to say that I simply don’t understand. I don't think it should be illegal, and I'm not saying it should be my place to decide for anyone else, but... I don't understand. I have a hard time viewing any consumption during pregnancy as an acceptable risk. I applaud the rights of mothers to make their own decisions when it comes to these choices, and I fully support the idea that people should be allowed to decide what is best for them and their children, but… If a bartender cuts you off (or refuses to serve you in the first place) when you are very noticeably pregnant out of concern for your unborn child (and based on the studies that claim that it’s unknown exactly how much alcohol consumption it takes to result in negative effects in that unborn child); I’m just not sure I understand the urge to fight that or claim your right to drink.
Why would anyone want to fight for the right to expose their baby to those possibilities, no matter how small they may be? Aren't we supposed to be giving those children the best we possibly can? Why wouldn't that always be the goal?
I genuinely want to know; what do you think? Should bars and restaurants be in a position to refuse service to pregnant women? Should women have the right to make these decisions for themselves and their unborn children without outside interference? Do we, as women, have an implicit obligation to give up certain things when we are with child?
Or is it actually an acceptable risk?
