OK, well I guess when you think about the fact that it’s got my pee all over it, then it’s suddenly not as cool, but…
I still kind of love it.
No, you did not suddenly lose the last 3 weeks. I’m not actually pregnant.
This is just part of the cruel and unusual punishment that is IVF.
Because it's not real.
I had to pee on a stick this morning to make sure I did the HCG shot right. Positive is what we were hoping for; it means the drugs are surging through my body the way they should be.
Positive is also something I’ve never really seen.
I have peed on quite a few sticks in my life, although; I always wanted to see negative before.
And I always got what I wanted.
There were plenty of scares throughout the years. I was always careful, but we all know that sometimes careful just isn’t enough. Sometimes one of those little guys sneaks past the goalie(s), and you have to deal with the consequences.
And while I always knew I could deal with the consequences should it happen, I never really wanted to take on the task of being a single mother.
Or worse: of raising a baby with one of the dinks I happened to be dating.
When my issues started up, it began with a period that disappeared for 3 months. I was with the ex, and I loved him, but… I did not want to be pregnant. I was terrified of us entering into something so huge when our relationship was so new.
I must have bought the pee stick companies out. I was going on sticks every day for a while there; sure that I was either pregnant or that something was wrong.
And at the time, not sure which option I would have preferred.
Funny what a difference a few years can make.
I never got a positive then (and most days now, I wish I had), but I got a positive this morning. The HCG is doing its job; running through my body and tricking it into thinking I’m pregnant.
It was my first positive.
But hopefully it won’t be my last.
