I had my suppression check today.
You know, that appointment that basically could have been the end of my cycle. The checkup I needed to make sure I was good to go with starting my injections on Monday. The one last look that could feasibly have made me pretty sad had there been any cysts or anything else that would put this all on hold.
Needless to say, I was a little nervous going in; despite my newfound confidence that this is all going to work out.
As I mentioned, the doctor in my office who had previously been handling my cycle has decided to retire. On top of that, my regular doctor was out of the office today. So, this make or break appointment that everything was riding on was going to lie in the hands of a doctor I had never met before.
No big deal though, right? It was only an ultrasound. You can’t screw up an ultrasound.
Can you?
The doctor and her nurse were both incredibly sweet and they did put me right at ease.
Although, I’m starting to think I’m just “at home” on an exam table with my feet in the air.
So there I was, getting chatted up by this new doctor as she inserted the probe for my vagisound. Almost immediately however, she stopped and told me that my bladder was too full and she needed me to empty it. I had literally just gone, but apparently I drink too much water.
Without even thinking I hopped off the table to go to the bathroom (which is right there in the room through another door.) The fact that I was naked from the waist down never really even occurred to me. Just as I was flashing the good new Dr. my butt though, I could hear her choke out “Umm…. You can take this with you” as she waved the paper blanket at me.
I guess shoving foreign objects up my vagina is one thing, but seeing me walk around naked is an entire other level of intimacy. My bad. I told you guys I’ve gotten too comfortable in these places.
So then I wrapped the paper blanket around me out of shame; embarrassed more that I hadn’t thought to protect my own modesty before she did. I waddled off to the bathroom and quietly chastised myself as I attempted to push the urine out. Then I waddled back and hopped on the table again; this time careful not to expose myself in any way.
Only to have Mrs. New Doctor move the paper blanket up to my knees and look while she stuck the probe back in.
I’m going to need a gyno etiquette book so I can understand these intricate rules.
So then the real exam began, and let me just tell you; it wasn’t comfortable.
Mrs. New Doctor had a hard time finding both of my ovaries, which of course did nothing to set my nerves at ease. There is nothing quite like realizing that your ovaries have become so diminished in size that they are actually difficult for even a trained professional to locate.
It was after she found them though that I really started to sweat. Her face kept contorting and I could tell she was distressed. There were a lot of hems and haws and just a general feeling of uneasiness. She was poking around a bit more than normal, and I could tell she was searching fruitlessly. She just kept saying that all my follicles were too small. I didn’t even know we were supposed to be looking at my follicle size, but knowing they were too anything had me 18 different kinds of stressed out.
I just kept thinking that this whole road was about to end.
And the look on her face did nothing to dissuade me of that fact.
She finally stopped what she was doing and looked at me; a look of intense worry.
“I’m just not sure this is going to work” she said. “It doesn’t appear as though you are responding very well.”
The tears were already brimming when I actually heard what she had said. “Wait a minute” I shouted out, “I don’t even start hormones until Monday!”
Suddenly, she was laughing. Joyous laughter. “I thought you were in the middle of your cycle already and we were doing a follicle check! I was so sad I had to be the bearer of bad news!”
Like I said, this Dr. was seriously sweet. Normally there wouldn’t have been a bad thing I could have said to her because her personality was so genuine and warm. Typically she would have been just the kind of Dr. I would be drawn to.
But you just don’t do that to an infertile woman!
I was laughing about it by the time I left too, but the whole incident also left me a little shaken.
For 10 minutes today, I thought that none of this was going to work.
My results have been forwarded to Seattle Reproductive Medicine, and there are just a few things that are changing up a bit. I will need to increase the dosage on one of my meds, and I officially now have to get a period. It turns out my lining was just too thick, so that has to go; I am stopping the pill tonight and we are shooting for sometime early next week for me to start.
I was warned that because my lining is now so thick, it will likely not be a pleasant experience.
And I so thought I had lucked out and was going to avoid that whole painful mess.
Oh well though. If getting a period is what I need to get this show on the road, let’s do it.
Besides, I haven’t had one in a year and I really don’t know how I would feel about my baby going into a dirty old uterus.
So let’s clear that sucker out and make a nice clean new home for my baby to be.
Is anyone else totally grossed out by that picture I just painted?
Well get used to it. I came home today to a few extra meds from my doctors office. One of them is a pill that I am apparently supposed to insert in my vagina twice a day at some point here.
I have no idea what that's about.
But I have a feeling the fun is just beginning.
ADSPACE
