This is how I know I’ve become an old lady: my Friday nights are now rejoiced because they mean going to bed early and sleeping in late!
My friend Loo called though, begging me to meet her and her boyfriend out at a BBQ in honor of two of their neighbors. Apparently she had been asked to bring single friends for the plethora of single men who would be in attendance; and she thought of me.
In her defense, I am pretty sure I’m the only single girl she knows here. She moved to Alaska a year ago and answered my Craigslist ad for a roommate. She ended up getting a place of her own, but we hit it off and have been friends ever since. Everyone else she hangs out with here is in the 40+ set that she works with. All married with kids.
So I win the single friend prize! Ding ding ding!
Still… Clearly I am not prime dating material right now. I almost had to laugh that she would even call me and ask me to come under that pretense. But then I figured: what the heck? It’s been a while since I’ve gone out and done anything like that, and it is summer in Alaska right now. I should be soaking in all the BBQ’s I can handle!
I crawled out of bed (because yes, I was already there) and attempted to make myself presentable (the entire time thinking how ridiculous it was to even try.) I was laughing at myself throughout the effort, thinking that if I met someone I was interested in my opening line would have to be “I’m doing IVF in 3 weeks… How do you feel about kids?”
Yep. I am a catch.
I got there and the entire thing was pretty laid back, and I wound up happy I went. There isn’t much that leaves me more content than sitting around a campfire with good people and good conversation.
Maybe even a beer or two!
I caught myself thinking that pretty soon here my life will hopefully not have room for such events, and enjoying them now is kind of like sending my single/childless days off the right way.
So I enjoyed.
I laughed. Flirted. Played a little beer pong (yes, I’m fairly sure I reverted back to 22 for the evening). And just had a good time.
As I was leaving one of the guys did ask for my number; knowing full well my situation (it was probably around beer two when Loo and I couldn’t contain ourselves and started talking in detail about the adventure to come - we're both lightweights). I’m not sure I hid my shock very well – why on earth would any guy be interested in me right now knowing what I am about to embark on? I have to give him credit; he was very sweet.
I turned him down though.
Now, before you start in on me with the boos and hisses, hear me out: First of all, while he was very sweet… I wasn’t really interested. I think part of it is because my heart is still set on the ex and I figuring things out. Maybe that’s not the way to be, but I’m just not open to other guys right now.
The other part of it is that my life has just gotten to be too much for the time being. Everything in it is too big. There simply isn’t room for someone else right now. If the ex and I don’t end up finding our way, then I’m sure I’ll be able to make room at some point in the future. I just don’t see that happening between now and baby though.
Speaking of baby; I had a dream last night. An incredible dream that I haven’t been able to stop thinking about.
I was in the hospital giving birth. Even though I was in the hospital instead of my birthing center, I was still doing things naturally. Within 3 hours I delivered two perfect babies; a boy and a girl. The entire labor was practically painless with no complications or tearing (let’s not forget that this was a dream – still, I even remember thinking how easy it had all been!). And by my side, holding my hand throughout it all, was the ex.
I dreamed about the whole thing; the entire experience. And I woke up happy; elated even. I’ve carried that feeling with me all day. The way I felt when I saw those two perfect lives in front of me. The completion that soared through me. The realization that my family was now whole; right.
It was one of those dreams that felt so real you can’t shake it, and all day I’ve been thinking about two.
I’m not sure, but I think my decision about one or two embryos may have been made.
All because I saw two perfect faces in a dream.
And I knew I had to have them.
