It wasn’t that I felt like anything was wrong, I just felt like that line of communication was momentarily shut down. I was feeling like I was wading around in the middle of the ocean by myself; like there was no one to call to for help. No one to guide me.
Well, let me just tell you that after all the signs I have had this last two days; I am feeling that warmth again. That reminder that I am on the right path and that there is a plan in place for me; even when I have no idea what that plan is.
Really and truly, those free fertility drugs are a miracle in my mind and nothing less. So much more special than if I had gotten them through some program. These are from a woman like me; a woman who would do anything to carry a child inside of her. When you think about the timing and the fact that they belonged to a couple right here in Anchorage who just happens to go to my doctors office (a doctor’s office which really coordinates very few IVF cycles compared to most clinics), it just seems kind of… kismet. If I were cycling a month later or earlier, those drugs could have very easily gone to someone else. But instead, the timing lined up perfectly so that I could save on that one expense of this process.
Coincidentally, I e-mailed the miracle necklace to my coordinator and told her that I understood she couldn’t give me any medical information on my donors, but I was wondering if she could tell me if she thought giving them that necklace would be good or bad. Yes, I was being a little sneaky about it, and I told her she of course didn’t have to answer… I just didn’t want to risk giving it to them if they for some reason did not conceive and were simply giving up.
She wrote back that she thought it was a wholly appropriate gift, so I ordered it yesterday and I’m going to try to pen out a heartfelt card to go along with it. Did I mention that I got the last one? That's right, when I bought it there was only one left. So for those of you who loved it as much as I did, I'm sorry! How crazy is that though? This perfect necklace for this perfect family because of a perfect gift, and I happen to find it when there is only one left! I’m hoping it will be here by next week, so I can leave it for them before I go to Seattle.
When I went to pick up the drugs today, my nurse brought them out in this bag:
Again, I felt like this was a sign that these drugs were meant for me. I know to some people that may sound so silly, but I really am a person who looks for signs in this life; good and bad. I let myself be led by completely silly occurrences sometimes – I’ll tell you what though; how I read signs almost always ends up being right. And I’m sorry, look at the colors on that bag. Then look at the colors on my blog. Then look at the colors in my house.
I only know one color scheme, and the bag that carried my donated meds happens to be that color scheme?
Here’s your sign.
That wasn’t even the biggest kicker today though. The whole reason I was there was because my regular doctor had asked me to come in and talk to her. I hadn’t really realized what was going on, but the doctor in the clinic who typically coordinates IVF cycles with Seattle has decided to retire. It is all very last minute from what I understand, and her last day will be July 1st.
Don’t worry! Because of how far along I am in my cycle, this won’t really affect me at all. My doctor really just wanted me to come in because she wanted to make sure I was going to be OK with the few changes I may be facing. She told me that they would be finishing out all the current cycles, but that they probably wouldn’t be taking on any new ones any time soon. My doctors office will only be offering very limited infertility treatments from here on out.
What does this mean to me? Well, do you remember how bummed I was initially when I found out that Lupron wasn’t working as well as it should to treat my endo? My original cycle date was in November, and I really believed I needed that time to be fully prepared. The idea of moving up to July initially scared me – I wasn’t sure I would be ready; financially, emotionally, and physically.
Well guess what – if my cycle hadn’t been moved up, I wouldn’t be cycling here at all. I would've been facing having to be in Seattle for every single appointment. That would have meant more time off work (time I wouldn’t have had even by November) and more money on extra plane tickets. It would have added an entire other level of stress to this whole process.
But because God had a plan, it didn’t. Because He knew better than me, it all worked out for the best.
And I am getting the easiest possible cycle I could have hoped for living somewhere without any fertility clinics in sight. I am getting treatment that I would not have gotten 6 months from now.
Pretty incredible, right? There is a plan, and I am on the right path. I have my suppression check on Friday to make sure everything is good to go, and initially I was getting very nervous about that; I was worrying about what would happen if everything wasn’t good. If my cycle had to be canceled.
I got a reminder today though that even if that happens, there is a reason. There is always a reason. Even when we don’t understand it in the moment, God usually has better plans than we had.
And that is pretty incredible to think about.
So here’s your sign.
What are you going to do with it?
