It's a rare thing for me to do. I kind of look at washing your car the same way I look at making your bed; it's just going to get messed up again, so what's the point? Don't get me wrong; I'm a clean person and I keep a tidy house, but I've never really seen the purpose behind regularly washing your car.
Especially in Alaska; where if you're doing it right, things are going to get messy!
I have gotten used to the dirty springs up here though, and after a few months of sloshing around in the mud while everything melts, your car kind off needs to be washed if you don't want to get pulled over for having an unreadable license plate!
So, this weekend I decided that the coast was clear.
The sun was out, everything was green, the temperature was in the high 70's (a rarity), and it seemed it was safe to declare it summer and wash the spring off my car.
I am not kidding when I tell you that as I was driving away from the car wash it started to drizzle. I was on the phone with my grandma, and at first I thought I must have driven under a sprinkler. There was not a cloud in the sky; yet it was raining on my newly cleaned car.
Of course it was. Because that's life.
I more or less laughed it off, and told myself that at least it was only sprinkling.
Until it outright poured this afternoon.
And I just had to shake my head and think "That's what I get for washing my car."
My period still hasn't started. Not that I thought it would today, but I just thought you all could use another update on the state of my uterus!
I called the doctor’s office, and they got back to me around two. They said they would prefer I contact my doctor at Seattle Reproductive Medicine to have her make a determination on the best course of action. At that point I knew it wasn't likely I would hear back from her today, so I shot her an e-mail explaining the situation (and the fact that I really think I may have ovulated - but that it's possible I'm completely clueless), and said a silent "thank you" for my one day reprieve.
Tomorrow morning I'm going to check my temperature to see if that gives me any obvious signals that a big O has occurred, but seeing as I have nothing to compare it to that is likely a futile experiment. I was told today that they should be able to do a blood draw to see if I've ovulated, so I may ask about that tomorrow.
The sad truth is that I realized today that my period was kind of like the rain... Try to follow me here:
If I do something to induce my period, how much do you want to bet it starts on its own within 24 hours? If I don't though, you had better believe it's not going to start at all.
I'm not being bitter; promise. I'm actually almost laughing at this state of events. I was so convinced it was going to start last week. So sure of myself and my knowledge of my body. Yet, I have heard from many women in the past two days who took months to start on their own after Lupron. Who am I kidding to think I could be the one who pulls off a regular cycle right away? It was almost just silly!
I think it's just me wanting my body to not be such a lemon. It’s possible I still have false hope that at some point this body of mine is just going to pull through and I'll go back to being the girl I was; to living the life I used to live. The life of a girl who only ever worried about her period starting when she didn't want to be pregnant because it would get in the way of her partying.
Not that I want to be that girl again, but you know what I mean.
I think some days I still like to pretend I could wake up tomorrow and have my old body back; my old life back.
But that clearly isn't going to happen, and maybe I need to work harder on making myself face it.
No matter how I play this, life is going to get its way on this one whether I like it or not. A watched pot never boils and all that good stuff. When you wash your car, it is inevitable that it will rain. When you wait on your period, it is inevitable that it just won't start. That's life; playing little tricks on you one day at a time.
And again I am left questioning; what's the point? Why fight it?
I'm not sure that anything I was hoping to gain by getting my period on my own is worth the disappointment I'll have if I wait two weeks and it still doesn't come; and I know it’s not worth giving the endo two more weeks to run rampant without anything in my body to stop it. I think right now the best bet may be to give in to life and stop fighting it. I obviously still have to wait to hear back from my doctor in Seattle (and who knows; maybe she won’t think waiting is such a bad idea), but I think I've decided that whatever she wants to do, I'll do it.
Because at the end of the day it doesn't really matter how this whole thing gets started; just that it does get started.
And I think I'm just ready for that to happen; regardless of what it takes.
