I have made a sperm decision.
Actually, I made a sperm decision about a week ago, but I’ve been hesitating to post it.
Here is the truth: When this first started it was something we kind of joked about on the community. I didn’t think twice about showing you all my donor choices. It seemed only natural, and I wanted everyone’s input.
After posting the profiles though, a thought occurred to me: My regular readers who I interact with daily are not the only people reading these profiles.
In fact, they are on the internet for anyone to access.
One of these men could stumble across this information years from now and realize I had used his sperm. Would he be able to have any rights at that point if he did realize he was the father of my child?
And what about women using the same sperm as me? Would they think of our children as siblings? Would they contact me wanting to get our kids together?
Am I setting myself up for complications if I make it public information who my anonymous donor is?
I’ve gone back and forth in the last week wondering if I should make this announcement. I have felt anxious and unsure. I have questioned myself at every turn.
You see, I am incredibly thankful for this donor who is going to help me achieve my dream of motherhood. I am ecstatic that they were kind enough to donate to women like me.
But my gratitude doesn’t go beyond that. I am choosing an Open ID donor so that my child is in the position to make their own choice about meeting this donor when they are 18, but my personal choice up to that point is that this donor remain anonymous. I don’t put much stock into genes, and I will never see this person as my child’s father. I have no interest in seeking them out, or in some odd turn of events resulting in them seeking me out.
And as far as children born from the same sperm; I would honestly rather not know about them. I understand that there are many vials available for purchase for each donor, and that other women will inevitably use my same sperm. I recognize that there will be children out there with the same genetic components as my children.
But those children will not be siblings. They will not be family.
My family and friends will be this child’s family. Reunions with children who were conceived by the same sperm are not something I am interested in. I know I have heard of a lot of women who have gotten together with the families of children born of the same sperm and have gone on to form lasting bonds. I know it happens.
But it’s not what I want.
Like I said: I don't believe that genes make family.
So I hesitated. When I realized how public this space was, I started to be uncomfortable. I honestly thought about making no announcement at all. About keeping this one piece of information sacred for only me and my family to know.
But then I realized that I wanted to tell most of you. That I wanted you to know after everything you did to support me. That I was bursting at the seams to reveal my decision.
And so, I have done something a little different to make myself comfortable with revealing this choice. I’ve deleted all the donor profiles. This way, I know I can make the reveal and no one will be able to go looking after the fact and line my choice up with his personal information. No one will be able to choose the same sperm I did solely because I did (a thought which I have to admit has crossed my mind, and has really kind of freaked me out! It is one thing for someone to use the same sperm as me, and another thing entirely for someone to use the same sperm I did because I did.) The donor I choose isn’t likely to come across his old file and realize I chose him either.
This just seemed like the safest bet.
So I’m sorry, but that information isn’t available for viewing any longer. I didn’t feel comfortable with making this reveal while knowing that it was still all there to be found. I hope you all understand.
For those of you who were here all along rooting for your favorite though, you should still be able to remember who was who!
Obviously number 2 was out of the running. Not only did he do so poorly with the voting (the poor man only got 14 votes), but his sister’s infertility status really did make me nervous. The more and more I thought about it, the more I realized the possibility that she had endo wasn’t a risk I was willing to take. I just couldn’t pass that on from both sides, no matter how attractive or intelligent he was.
The donor I did choose had an almost unanimous vote from those friends and family who are close to me. All the people who really know me chose the same person, except for my sister in law who chose the donor who reminded me the most of my brother from the very beginning. I had to kind of laugh at her pick, especially when she was the only one who deviated from the choices of everyone else I know!
The donor I chose did not get the most votes on the community, but he was close and he had the least amount of haters. There really was just very little bad that could be said about him.
(to discuss, groan, or gloat over my choice – check out the community discussion)
Except for his hooded eyes, which I still just don’t see!
I went with my “safe” choice, and I’m not looking back.
Plus, it cost me $170 just to ship that little vial a few hundred miles. So I’m pretty sure he’s mine now.
The donor I chose was Donor number 1.
ADSPACE
