If you didn’t get a chance to watch the clips from the interview I did for a local news station yesterday, they are posted here. Or you can check out the story on the news site here (that's where all the fun comments about my fit-ness as a mother are!)
I was a little anxious to see close up’s of my face and I tore apart every word I said (wouldn’t you do that to yourself too?) but overall, I don’t think it turned out half bad!
Of course, there were some bloopers that you all did not get to see. For instance, when I was handed the mic and told to put the wire down my shirt, I said the words “I think that’s what these are for!” and gleefully put the wire between my cleavage. I had a mic hanging out of my breasts; and I dead serious thought there was nothing wrong with that.
I actually had to be instructed to move the wire to the side so that it didn’t look like it was being birthed by my cleavage.
Ooops. I suppose some things should be common sense, of which I clearly lack from time to time.
You also have to remember that they were at my house filming for an hour and a half, so obviously a lot was cut before being put into the story. There was some concern by a viewer on the station website who determined that I am planning on living on public assistance because of how one clip was played. The entire conversation (which didn’t all play) we were talking about how expensive daycare is, and how I only thought I could handle twins if I could work from home. The way the clip aired (and the awkward look on my face when I realized our playful conversation was actually being filmed), it made it look like I have no intentions of working at all. Funny how those things can play out!
For reasons I can’t even explain though, I felt the need to defend my ability to support myself to some stranger who went off on how wrong it was for me to have children if I was planning on being on assistance. Of course I plan on working! For the record: I have never been on public assistance, and I have no intentions of ever doing so. I have a degree, a home, and a good job. I am not knocking those that need it, but I wouldn’t make a decision like this if I saw public assitance in my future. The financial concerns with all of this are big, but I also know I can handle them. I'm a smart girl (most of the time), and I wouldn't bite off more than I could chew. I can't predict that I absolutely won't fall on hard times in the future, but right now everything is lined up perfectly for me to be able to take this on.
But why (why oh why) do I feel the need to defend myself to people who do not know me at all? I need to just stop looking at those comments!
I was incredibly thankful to my friends who showed up to support me, but as I sat on the couch watching them give their interviews, I started crying. I couldn’t help myself. Those girls have been such huge sources of support for me, and they were just saying the kindest things. I don’t know what I would do without them, so I lost it. Listening to them speak on camera made my eyes well up with tears.
And they turned the camera on me. Let me just say, I’m pretty thankful that footage didn’t make the final edit!
The point is, those are the people that matter. My friends and family who know that this decision is right for me. My dad and grandma who are supporting me every step of the way and couldn’t wait to see the news footage.
All of you who have been nothing but warm and kind.
Someone who chooses to judge me based on a few minutes of tape or one news story really has no idea what is best for me or my baby to be.
But now it’s over, and I am pretty sure my 15 minutes are up. I have been outed at work, and I am a little anxious to see how that plays out. I really did want to keep my IVF plans separate from my professional realm. I still don’t like the idea of my work life and my blog life being entwined. I’d much rather keep my baby making plans off the discussion table at my job, but in choosing to do that interview I may have made my own bed on that one. Knowing that people know about my plans there now is just something I am going to have to live with, and I’ll have to hope that most people will remember that they can’t possibly know what choices they would make if they've never actually been in my shoes.
I hope most of them will be just as excited as I will be if there is an actual baby bump to sport here in a few months!
It’s also hard for me to understand the interest in my story. There really is nothing special about it. Women are making these same decisions every day. More than 90 million women globally will suffer from endometriosis in their lifetime. It is the number 1 cause of female infertility. There are other women facing my same options as we speak. I made the choices that were best for me. I prayed and I cried and I consulted the people who mean the most to me. It wasn’t an easy decision, but it was the right one. And now I am just another mommy to be. There is nothing unique or special about my story, it’s just… my story.
It’s been a hectic week, but the sperm is bought and the hoopla is over. The pressure is off to make a decision, and now I can move forward to the next steps of this process. I’m pretty sure that everything around here can go back to normal now.
You know, back to talks about gyno appointments, ridiculous IVF costs, and dating as a mommy to be!
I have definitely decided that I am more comfortable right here typing away on my keyboard than sitting in front of a camera. I think I express myself a lot better in writing, and I like knowing that I’ve said exactly what I meant to. There were a lot of things that flew out of my mouth offhandedly yesterday, while I completely forgot that there was a camera on! It was fun to try, but I’m ready to return to my relative anonymity right here in this space.
Unless Ellen calls. I kind of love that woman!
ADSPACE
