Clearly I don’t know my body. At all.
I never did start my period. I stopped spotting on Friday, and my general discomfort went away then too. I swear to you, I was so convinced I was starting. My ovaries even hurt, and they always ached when I got my period before (because they too were shedding from the endometriosis). It was just so bizarre, but I don’t even kind of feel like I’m about to start now. It has all passed.
Which brings me to another theory. What if I was ovulating? I was never a woman to spot when I was ovulating before (or to have any real signs at all), but I know it happens to a lot of women. The spotting was so light and only lasted two days; could that have been what was going on?
Because if it was, in theory I should start my period on my own in the next two weeks. Right?
Except that, my doctors want me to go in tomorrow to bring it on medically.
On Friday I mentioned waiting it out to them, to see if it comes on its own. I was pretty effectively shut down. Basically, I was told that it could be months before I start on my own and we might as well just get things going. They said at the very least, I need to call to discuss it further if I still haven't started (and at this point, I have no reason to believe I will start by tomorrow).
I’m not sure how I feel about that though. Theoretically, the hormones wouldn’t even have been out of my body until the 22nd (exactly 3 months after my last shot), so how much sense does it make to jump the gun less than two weeks after that? I know that women don’t typically start on their own after Lupron, but is it completely crazy for me to want to try?
I feel like I’ve been pumped full of hormones already, and I’m about to pump myself up with even more for this IVF round. I just want to be able to do one thing without help. I want to give my body the chance to do that.
And I know that something was up last week. Is it so crazy to think it could have been ovulation?
I’m not sure what’s going to happen tomorrow. I do want to get this show on the road, but I also just want to give my body the chance to do what it’s supposed to do without intervention. I know that nothing can move forward until I get my period, but would it really be the end of the world to give it two more weeks?
Plus, is it completely unreasonable to assume that my all over the place emotions the past few days could actually be PMS?
I have a feeling I’m going to have to fight for that extra two weeks tomorrow, and I’m not sure I’m going to win. I don't even really know what winning means, or why I want it. But I don’t think it’s totally insane to believe that my body could do this one thing.
Is it?
Of course, I’m not sure much is really lost by allowing medicine to intervene here either. I’m already accepting medical help to achieve everything else, so what would this one more thing hurt? It’s just one more round of hormones; miniscule compared to what I’ve already put in my body and nothing next to what I am about to do.
I will say that if I was ovulating, I’m kind of kicking myself for not going out for one last roll-in-the-hay attempt to actually get pregnant on my own. The chances of it working would be practically non-existent, but I kind of hate that I’ve never even tried to get pregnant on my own. It feels weird to jump straight to IVF with no real prior attempts.
Which means that if I was ovulating, it’s probably best that I didn’t realize it at the time.
That’s a mistake I likely didn’t need to make.
ADSPACE
