A few weeks ago I was reading a blog detailing a baby/birth story. In the series of posts the blogger mentioned that she had made the mistake of googling live birth a few weeks before she went into labor.
She was trying to make the point that doing so was a bad idea. I however, missed the point.
You see, I have never witnessed a birth. Not really anyway. I have seen dramatized television and movies replicate the act and I've seen TLC versions where the baby comes out all wet and slimy, but you still don't see any action.
That's it.
I have never been in the room when a friend’s child has been born, nor have I ever seen any close up video of what is actually going on.
I've never even seen hamsters born.
And growing up, our hamsters had a lot of babies!
I guess I just never happened to be around for the big event, and so my experience with childbirth is limited.
As in; nonexistent.
Reading about this blogger googling live birth, I immediately thought "Why have I never done that?!?" I could barely finish reading her post before my new idea was driving me to get to Google as fast as I could.
Five minutes later, I wanted to die.
Why would anyone do that to themselves?!? It was awful. It was horrific. It was violent.
The human vagina should simply not stretch like that. It's unnatural!
Not to mention, I have never seen a sexual organ so desexualized in all my life.
For a brief moment, sheer panic set in. I'm pretty sure that no matter what, my cootchie could not do what those cootchies were doing.
And even if it could, I'm not sure I would want it to. Can it even work after that? How is it that you aren't tripping over your own vagina after it stretches out that bad? I mean, how can it possibly bounce back from that kind of trauma?
One video turned into two, which turned into three. Well... you know how this worked out.
I've been watching live birth videos almost every day for the last 3 weeks.
That's not healthy, is it?
I am officially addicted to studying what the vagina can do. I kind of dig how after all that trauma, mama gets to hold her baby and all is well. Even for me, those last few minutes of the videos completely erase the horror that precedes.
Until I watch the next one.
I want this. I have no idea why. I can't explain why anyone would choose to do this to themselves. I'm not sure that anyone should look at a live birth video and think "I can't wait!" It's masochistic. It's asinine.
It's just plain stupid.
But I can't wait.
Call me crazy, but I think I could handle it. I've even convinced myself I could be one of the rare few who wouldn't need an episiotomy and wouldn't tear at all. Live birth videos have become like my pep talk. I find myself thinking "I'll be just like her!" or "I could totally out-birth that lady any day."
This fascination has become that sick.
I googled live birth videos.
And I liked it.
ADSPACE
