I broke down and called the birthing center today.
I have been wondering/worrying/fussing about the conversation I had with Teeny a few months back. I kept telling myself that it was silly to call and ask when I’m not even pregnant. That it was kind of a moot point until I actually saw those two lines.
But suddenly today, I just had to know.
I was stumbling over my words when I called. There is something embarrassing about asking if you will be allowed to labor someplace when technically you aren’t even carrying a child.
That’s kind of putting the cart before the horse, right?
But eventually I spit out my words “I have stage IV endometriosis. Would I still be able to labor at your birthing center?”
After all that buildup, the woman on the other end of the line couldn’t answer me. She was incredibly sweet and upbeat, but she said she would have to consult with a doctor and call me back.
We spoke for a few more minutes though, and she answered a couple other questions for me. When I would need to start treatment with them; what the process involved; how the midwives worked. Through the course of the conversation I mentioned that I would be doing IVF and she asked how many embryos I would be implanting.
I explained that I still hadn’t really decided, but that I was considering doing two. I asked if they saw women carrying multiples.
And the resounding answer was “no”. She said for repeat patients it was sometimes allowed, but never with first time mothers. She explained that if I were to have twins or triplets (wait a minute… when did anyone say anything about triplets?!?) that it would have to be a hospital birth. She also said that she believes there is only one doctor in the state of Alaska who even allows a mother to attempt a vaginal birth with twins.
One.
In this entire state.
So those are things to know. Clearly I need to be informed, and I would rather have that information now than months from now.
It still made me sad though. I have this picture in my head of how having a baby is supposed to go. So far that picture has already been pretty completely destroyed except for this one pristine corner that has been left untouched. Most of how I dreamed making a baby would be has been taken away. I can’t do it on my own; I need incredible intervention just to get pregnant in the first place. But that one area, where I get the natural birth in the tub surrounded by friends and with a midwife by my side, has remained as I dreamed it. Now picturing myself in a hospital with a scheduled c-section? I don’t like it. I don’t like it one bit.
I would just really like to do this on my own. This one thing I would like to do without Western medicine having to step in.
Of course, if there are two healthy babies at the end of the day; will it even really matter how I got there? Of course not. But would I prefer to do it my way? Of course.
She did reassure me that the chances of actually having twins aren’t that much greater than having a single baby. So even with a double yolk it’s possible (even probable) that I would only have one and the birthing center would still be an option.
That is of course if endo didn’t prevent me from birthing there.
After about 10 minutes of talking (she seriously was just incredibly sweet in answering all of the questions from a woman still a ways away from labor… or even pregnancy) I thanked her for her help. She promised to call me back as soon as she had a more definitive answer about whether or not my endometriosis could be deemed a risk factor preventing me from an out of hospital labor.
The promise was that I would be getting a call tomorrow, but 15 minutes later; my phone was ringing.
I answered hesitantly; preparing myself for the final ax on this last part of the dream.
But it didn’t come. She was calling with good news. She was calling to tell me that my endometriosis would not be a deterrent at all to my birthing there. That I should call them as soon as I find out I’m pregnant, and we can get me in as a new patient right away.
My dream of laboring in that beautiful birthing center rather than in a cold and sterile hospital is not gone. It is still there; the last piece of the picture that is still hanging on.
Endometriosis does not get to take this. I can still have my natural birth.
That is, of course, assuming I don’t end up with twins.
And I'd better not end up with triplets!
ADSPACE
