This Is My Life

I just left the hospital, and I have what can only be described as the most ridiculous hospital story ever.

Yesterday morning I woke up and my arm was sore. It felt like I had just had blood drawn (which I hadn’t), but I kind of just figured I had slept on it wrong and that it would go away.

Except that it didn’t. In fact, throughout the day it actually started to spread down my arm into my pinky. It was tenderness. Even a little numbness. Nothing that kept me from being functional, just an odd and uncomfortable sensation down my arm.

At the place where the discomfort began, I could feel a little lump in the vein (which was also visible). My first thought was a blood clot, since I know those are fairly common with any kind of hormonal medications. I honestly wasn’t too worried though. I felt fine, and I figured I would give it a few days.

But then I saw Teeny today, and she definitely got a little anxious about it. She said my arm was actually swollen, and after doing a lot of consulting she was fairly sure it was a blood clot too. She didn’t want me to go to the hospital though. She feared they would put me on drugs with their own set of side effects, after the current drugs I’m on caused this in the first place. Her solution was that we get me on some natural tonics and do a few more rounds of cupping to get the blood flowing. She really thought we could resolve this naturally.

And I was 100% behind her in that. I wanted nothing to do with hospitals or more drugs.

But I made a mistake.

I told my dad.

And the poor man practically started crying as he told me a blood clot could cause me to have a stroke and die. That he didn't want me to die.

And then I did start crying as I explained to him that I did not want to go to the hospital. That I was tired of hospitals.

Beyond that, I had a little blood clot scare last year (again - just not so uncommon on these types of drugs), and after blood tests and cat scans it turned out to be nothing but a waste of my time. I didn't want to go through that again.

But my dad is one of the most important people in my life, and I’m not great at knowing I’ve worried him. So then I posted a query on the community, asking if you lovely women would go to the hospital if you were me, and the resounding answer was “Yes! Go!” I called Loo and she sealed it for me. She programs pacemakers for a living and spends a lot of time in hospitals. She is often in life or death situations, and even her supervisor was telling her to get me to go.

So, I packed a bag. Everyone seemed so convinced that this could be a blood clot and should therefore really be checked out, and I wasn’t about to get admitted to the hospital without my laptop. I then very calmly proceeded to the ER – annoyed by the whole thing and thinking that Teeny was going to kill me if I let these people put “rat poison” in me.

And I was frustrated. I didn’t want to be going. I wanted to treat this the natural way. I was annoyed that not a single person had agreed with my plan to stay hospital free.

At the hospital they got me in a room and had me strip down and get in one of those fancy gowns. My blood pressure was taken and I was informed that I would likely need a scan of some kind to check for other clots. Wonderful.

I was actually chatting with one of the nurses when a doctor came in and asked me what I was there for. I told him I thought I might have a blood clot, and needed to be checked. He asked me what made me think this, and I told him my symptoms. Then he asked me who told me to come.

Ummmm. Errrr. Hmmmm.

I couldn’t tell the man my dad sent me. Or that my online community of friends told me to come.

Either answer would make me look like a whack-job.

So, I told him my acupuncturist sent me.

Even though it was a total lie and that was the last place Teeny would want me to be. Even though after the fact I realized that telling him my acupuncturist sent me didn’t exactly make me all that much more credible.

Did I mention that Teeny cupped me today too? And the marks were pretty obvious with me sitting there in my barely there hospital gown.

Yep. I looked like a loon.

The man didn’t touch me. Didn’t touch my arm. Barely even looked at me.

Instead he said “Blood clots in the arm are highly unlikely. I’m just not impressed by your symptoms. I’m not going to order any tests. You can go ahead and put your clothes back on and go home. If the issue persists, see your general practitioner in 5 days.” He actually said "If it is a clot and it moves to your lungs and you die, then you should come back here."

I think he was making fun of me.

Can we just say embarrassing? I hate going to the hospital, and now I am the hypochondriac who didn’t even warrant a blood draw?

Thanks dad.

The best part is, I am actually going to have to pay a co-pay for that visit. I literally got there, got naked, and got dressed. Don't women usually get paid for that, and not the other way around?

And this is my life.

And all you can do is laugh. Because it’s funny. Because sometimes this nonsense is just funny.

But let me tell you what – I am going to be on the floor dying before I ever agree to go to the emergency room again.

And my arm still hurts.