I've Been Cupped

Teeny started today with me on my back – it’s easier for her to torture my ears that way. I swear to you, I never knew how painful my ears were until Teeny started putting needles in them. No other part of my body hurts as bad as my ears (including the bottoms of my feet) when she gets to work, but she swears that’s a good thing. She swears the ears connect to the ovaries and that is where I need the work.

So I comply.

This weekend I had a conversation about the worst place to be in the middle of a bad earthquake (my curiosity enhanced by the 7.2 in Mexico). I realized where that place would be today; butt naked on Teeny’s table covered head to toe in needles.

Seriously, what would I do?

When we finished with my front side, I switched over. Teeny took one look at my back and said “We’re going to try cupping with you today.”

Is it wrong if I instinctively thought that just sounded dirty?

So Teeny pulls out all these massage oils and goodies and I was quite excited! I thought I was about to get a serious rub down, and you all know how I feel about massages. She started lathering me up and I could just feel the anticipation rising.

I have needed a massage.

It was then that Teeny said “OK, this might hurt a bit” just two seconds before I felt the life being sucked out of me.

I’m not kidding you. Those cups were literally sucking everything I’ve got into them.

Stupid back fat.

You know when you’re a kid and you suck a cup to your mouth and it kind of suctions there? Yeah, this was nothing like that.

It really and truly sucked the breath out of me.

When I regained my composure (4 cups in) I finally asked Teeny how in the world she got them to pull so tight. "Fire" she said.

So basically, without my realizing it, there were matches being lit above my back too.

At least, that’s how I think it worked. I honestly couldn’t pay enough attention to figure it out.

My life force was being drained – it makes it kind of hard to concentrate.

It only lasted 5 minutes. Once I got used to it, it wasn’t so bad. It wasn’t even painful really. I don’t know exactly how to explain it. It was just very very weird.

But when she pulled those cups off of me, all the tension that had been there when I walked in was gone.

Completely gone.

And I again loved Teeny.

She rubbed me down and told me not to shower until the morning and to keep my back covered (something about all my pores being opened now and susceptible to germs). I smelled like a eucalyptus factory and knew I would have to wash everything I touched between now and tomorrow, but I didn’t care.

My back felt amazing!

Then I got up and saw it in the mirror.

Realizing how weird it was to be taking naked pictures of myself in the acupuncture room, I immediately got dressed after just one.

And came home to take naked pictures of myself.

I tried in the bathroom first.

But I just couldn’t do this situation justice in there.

When I got to the living room though, the lighting was better.

I’ve been cupped.

And my back is hickey central.

Teeny did ask me if I had any plans to wear a backless dress any time soon.

Of course, she didn’t ask me that until after all the cups were placed.

It’s a good thing I live in Alaska (where it actually snowed again today – please summer, I am so ready for you!) and I haven’t seen a naked man in… longer than I care to speak about.

I am pretty sure you all are the only ones who will be seeing the damage that has been done.

I have to admit – my back is sore. It kind of feels like someone beat me. Hard.

But you know, in a good way.