Except…
Maybe I should just start at the beginning.
My acupuncturist is the tiniest thing you have ever seen. I am 5’7” (and had heels on today because I had just come from work). She can’t be more than 5’. I weigh
We will call her Teeny!
When she first came out to get me I immediately felt myself trying to shrink. I am not typically ever self conscious of my size (I love my body and my height!) but next to her I suddenly felt like the gentle giant – like I might lose control and try to eat her for dinner at any second and then the townspeople would come with their pitchforks and try to kill me.
Yes, these scenarios do run through my head from time to time!
Despite her ability to make me feel huge though (and not in a good way) I instantly liked her. She was just warm and sweet and totally talked my ear off the entire session.
Pro of acupuncture #1: I seriously feel like I just had a two hour therapy session. We talked about everything! I haven’t unloaded on someone like that in a long time (besides all of you lovelies – but you can turn away from your screens at anytime! Poor Teeny was trapped with me!) and it actually felt good. She just kept asking questions too. Just kept probing as she poked away. I didn’t expect it to be so nice, but maybe I’ve been needing some therapy for a while now!
We talked for a few minutes just about my background, but then she told me to strip down and get on the table. I will admit that I sat there for a minute under the blanket wishing I was getting a massage. It was quite the situation to put someone in who is admittedly going through massage withdrawals!
Still, I can’t knock any medical treatment that so closely mimics my favorite pastime.
I was on my stomach first, and without even touching me she took one look at my back and said “What did you do to yourself?!?” Ha! I told you all my back was a mess after this accident.
So yes, our session began with my having to explain what a stupid kid I used to be.
And my back ended up with a few more needles than originally expected.
When I flipped over, she had the same reaction to my stomach.
That is the part that makes me sad. I have never carried weight around my waist, but after two surgeries, endo bloat, and Lupron – my faux pregnancy bump has not gone away. I have actually been losing weight, but I still have a distended mid section. Obviously with me naked and lying on my back, the severity of that situation becomes more clear. It is not a normal bloat – in fact, I realized the other night that I can now feel a new (what I’m assuming to be) cyst on my right side. I’m not too pleased about that, but it is another story for another day. The point is – she could see it.
And that is where acupuncture got fun. We were chatting and she was poking away. All over my stomach, my feet, my arms, my forehead, and my ears. Most of the pin pricks I didn’t even feel, but a few absolutely had an effect. My right ear made me wince – turns out that spot is connected to my right ovary (my problem ovary). A spot on my left wrist made me instantly feel warm – that’s the spot associated with sweating (she is trying to minimize my Lupron induced night sweats - bless that woman!) The point is, that it was kind of cool. I definitely felt certain pricks more than others, and they all correlated to concerns of mine.
When we were done we talked about what she can and cannot do for me. She obviously explained that at this point the damage that has been done to my insides is more or less irreversible. She also explained that I shouldn’t be counting on being cured from endo – while that would be an amazing outcome, it is highly unlikely. But, she did think she could end my nausea, my headaches, my night sweats, my bad skin, and (most importantly) my fatigue.
That’s right ladies and gentlemen; she said she thinks she can get my energy level back to where it was before all of this.
I almost can’t even comprehend that. I barely remember a time when my bed wasn’t the only place I wanted to be. The battle with endo certainly drained my energy, but the Lupron has completely zapped it. Even when I do force myself to go out and spend time with my friends, I spend the vast majority of the time wondering how long it will be until I can get home to my bed. I hate admitting that, but it’s true. I am tired - all the time. I want my bed - all the time.
And she said she can fix that. She said she can return me to my former vibrant self – she can bring back the girl who used to be up for everything.
And I miss that girl.
I wanted Teeny to be my best friend. I seriously think she may be my new favorite person.
And I was sold.
We made a plan for 2 times a week for the next 3 weeks, and then tapering off to once a week after that.
Sold.
After two hours I felt more full of hope than I have in a while. Teeny got me feeling like I could actually be myself again someday – someday soon.
And then I went to pay.
What was my portion you ask? My 20% co-pay that will hopefully be all I have to cover (since I won’t know for sure if my insurance will cover this until after the bill is submitted).
$74.
Ouch.
Granted, this was my initial visit and so it was more expensive. I was told that subsequent visits will run me $30-$50 depending on the treatment I get.
Still a sting there.
Especially when you are figuring it will be at least once a week, and more here in the beginning.
Especially when you consider that there are no guarantees my insurance will cover this.
Especially when you remember I should be saving for IVF.
My insurance policy states that they will cover acupuncture when deemed medically necessary. I am hoping that the recommendation I got yesterday will do the trick. I am hoping they won’t even question it.
But what if they do and I am already 5 visits in?
What if I end up with some crazy bill I have to pay after the fact?
(community discussion: What would you do?)
I already have my next 4 appointments (over the next 2 weeks) set up. My dad thinks I should cancel them and wait and see if insurance covers this one, but…
Part of me is afraid of doing that, being denied for insurance, and then never knowing.
Never knowing if it could have helped.
Never knowing if it could have given me back my energy.
Never knowing if it could have given me back me.
I would almost rather know (and then be in the hole and have to give it all up) than never know.
So, I think I am going to let Teeny work her magic over the next two weeks and then reassess. Even with insurance coverage, it is still a lot of money. Without insurance, I simply can’t see continuing.
But I want to know. I need to know. I need to see if this is something that can give me my life back. I know it’s a lot of money, and I know this may not be the smartest decision I’ve ever made, but I need to know.
I need to know if that girl I used to be is still around.
