My Grandma Told Me To Smoke Pot

I was talking to my grandma today. In as non-whiny a way as possible, I was trying to explain to her how I feel like I had a really strong face on with the side effects of the Lupron the first 3 months I was on it, but that those same side effects are now becoming harder and harder to take day in and day out. I was describing the constant nausea and the headaches; the exhaustion and out of control emotions. I was basically just telling her that I think I’ve forgotten what it feels like to feel “normal” “healthy” or “good” anymore. Before the Lupron I was in a lot of pain every day for almost a year straight. Since the Lupron; my pain is basically gone, but I feel like crap. Don’t get me wrong, I would take the feeling like crap over the excruciating pain any day, but like I said… it’s just starting to wear me down. I just want to remember what it's like to feel normal.

My grandma’s solution? She suggested I start smoking pot.

Now, you have to understand, my family is not a drug family. My dad is a cop, and I was raised around all of his cop friends. I never drank a sip of alcohol in high school (I was convinced my dad had surveillance on me) and marijuana has never had much of an appeal for me. I actually think it should be legalized and that it holds far fewer dangers than alcohol or cigarettes, but… we don’t do drugs in my family.

Which is why I had to laugh when my grandmother (who I love with all my heart) suggested I start smoking the doja.

My uncle died of Leukemia in 1986, and he was given medicinal marijuana to help with his nausea from the chemo. That’s why my grandma suggested this – because she remembered it helping him.

She was actually being logical with this suggestion.

I in no way shape or form think Lupron side effects match up to Chemo side effects though, so I won’t be becoming a pot head anytime soon (although, I can only imagine what that would do for my writing!) I’m not a big fan of being out of it. Even when I was in serious pain, I was pretty strict with my dosing of pain pills. I just don’t like feeling that… weird.

OK, so I'm lying. I do like it in the moment (and it’s possible I once called my Percocet’s my “happy pills”), but I don’t like it when it wears off and I realize how ridiculous I was!

Right after my last surgery, I posted a missed connections ad on Craigslist to my anesthesiologist titled “Hot Doctor”. In it I referenced the fact that I was embarrassed that he saw my vagina.

Not kidding.

I also had a visit from the ex’s mom and sister, and I sat with them in a tank top and the hospital mesh panties I had been given – nothing else. I went on to say all sorts of nonsensical things.

Still not kidding.

I am pretty high on life. I don’t need drugs to make me even loopier. It just isn’t pretty!

Plus, I don’t really like the idea of smoking anything. Makes my chest hurt just to think about it.

So no, I won’t be turning to marijuana to ease my side effects anytime soon, but I kind of love my grandmother for suggesting it.

I do have my appointment with the naturopathic practitioner next week though, and I am really hoping that the acupuncture is going to clear my head and help me stop being such a wuss about all of this. I’m also hoping she will have some crazy all natural herb that will ease all of my complaints.

You know, some crazy all natural herb other than pot.