I have always been a guy’s girl. My enduring friendships from high school are almost all men (there are two ladies in my life who I knew back then, but I became much closer in adulthood to both of them than I was at that point in our lives), and I didn't really start making strong female friendships until my twenties. I just always thought women were catty and deceitful, and I never really saw much point in opening myself up to friendships that seemed so fake. As an adult I am eternally grateful for the women who have come into my life and taught me that not all female friendships are like that, and I know that I can count on those women to support me and back me up, and yes; even sometimes tell me when I'm wrong. I still know women for whom nothing is sacred (you know, the women who will turn on their best friends as soon as that person is no longer in the room, and who thrive off gossip and cattiness and judgment, but who act sugary sweet to people’s faces and never own up to the venom they spew), but I am lucky enough to have been taught that is not the norm and that a truly amazing female friend will not sit back and listen as others tear you down - they will defend you and stand up for you, and will never share your secrets just to have something to talk about.
But yes, it took me years to realize what female friendships can (and should) be, and for a long time I really only trusted the men in my life. They were less dramatic, and I could always count on them to tell me (and only me) exactly what they were thinking, even if it wasn't pretty (even if it was that I was a total nut case!) As much as I've realized how much more comforting and "there" my female friends can be, I still cherish my male friends who have seen me go through some major changes in this life and come out the other side a better version of me (at least, I hope that's what they see!) They are the people who knew me when I was at my worst (a girl who carried peppermint schnapps in her purse and was prone to drinking too much and crying too hard - A girl who really could be described as a little "off"!), and yet they always stuck by me. They are the people who can now make me laugh over even the worst memories of "then", and who I can banter back and forth with without ever worrying about hurting feelings with my sarcasm (and trust me, they hand it right back, and they - more than anyone else in my life - have years worth of ammo to dish out!)
So, I love my male friends, and even though they are typically the last people I go to with my fertility issues (because, as much as I love them, there is no way they can possibly relate!) I still love their reactions when the conversation comes up. It typically goes something like this:
Boy: So... how's all that going. You know... down there?
Me: Good. I'm actually getting excited! Baby making 2010 is in full swing!
Boy: Oh. Well... who's going to be the dad?
Me: I'm using a sperm donor.
Boy: How much does that cost?
Me: $600. Killer, right? Especially since I used to have full access to that stuff, and now I've got to pay for a tiny little vial of it! Who knew?
Boy: Oh. Well, uh... I mean, I would sleep with you, you know, if that would help. I wouldn't want to be the dad or anything, but I'd sleep with you for free and then at least you could save $600.
Me: Well that's really sweet, but that's not how it works. I only have one tube left (side note: why I ever go here I don't know. I've determined that men get their understanding of the female anatomy from bad romantic comedies and they have no clue what the tubes do!) , and it's pretty damaged, so I probably won't ever get pregnant the "normal" way. My donor has to sperm in a cup in a room all by themselves, and then there is this whole surgical process that involves them taking eggs out of me, and then combining the sperm and the egg in a Petri dish, and then putting the embryo back inside of me. It's kind of complicated. Want to sperm in a cup though?
Boy: Oh. Well... Not really. I kind of just figured it would be cool to offer sleeping with you, but that's a little more complicated and a lot less fun than what I had in mind.
Me: That's what I thought. Thanks for being willing to knock me up only if you get something out of it. You're a true friend. Get your mind out of the gutter. Perv.
I cannot tell you how many times I have had almost this exact same conversation! They are all down for helping if it means trying the natural way, but none of them really wants to go the sterile jerking off into a cup route. Go figure!
I wouldn't use any of them as donors anyway, because as I've already established I just prefer the idea of an anonymous donor to the idea of it being someone I know (and will one day have to explain to my child that I know) but who doesn't want to be "daddy". That just seems more complicated than it is worth. But still...
I love my male friends!
Keep in mind that most of these guys are just friends. I'd say 90% of them have never seen me naked (unless I’m blocking out some drunken memory from my late teens/early twenties), so there was never anything unsavory going on there that should lead to them offering to bed me in my time of need. Not that I don't maintain friendships with guys I've had relations with, because if we are playing with percentages here, I would say I still have some sort of amicable relationship with about 70% of them. I pride myself on being able to maintain relationships with the men of my past, and while there were a few duechbags in there that weren't worth my time, I wouldn't hesitate to call most of them and go to lunch to catch up tomorrow. They just aren't the guys I run to and say "Hey guess what? I'm totally infertile!" Because that would be weird, and kind of like I was asking for their sperm.
And if we're being completely honest here, I wouldn’t want to go anywhere near the sperm of about 90% of that 70% (the ones still in my life) today.
Still... You've got to love men and the all too simplistic ways they try to solve the most complicated of problems!
ADSPACE
