My next Lupron shot is on Monday. I know, because I live, breathe, and die by my calendar. Even if I hadn’t written it down though; I would know.
(This next paragraph is probably going to be too much information for anyone who has never been on hormone injections. Feel free to skip forward if you gross out easily! Dad - This means you!) I went to the bathroom today, and was surprised to see: my lady juices are back! I swear to you, I have been like a dried up prune down there (and really, everywhere else too – my eyeballs have been consistently red and itchy no matter how many drops I’ve put in them) since that first shot. I’ve found myself being a little thankful I'm single, because I would have gone bankrupt on lube if I was actually getting any! Still – My sex drive hasn’t faltered at all. I almost wish it had, because I have been missing sex. Of course, I’m missing it even more now that the lady parts once again seem to be working (and mass producing the juices) as God intended! It may sound strange, but that one simple change has me feeling like a girl again. It has me feeling "normal".
Beyond that piece of happy news, my skin is once again awful. I had perfect skin all throughout high school. Barely ever a blemish. One of the first indications for me that something was not right was when I started breaking out really badly right around the same time my periods stopped. That was not even a little bit common for me, but no matter what I tried, I couldn’t keep my face blemish free. Then I had my first Lupron shot, and that all pretty much cleared right up (presumably because my out of control hormones were simply shut off). Now? You could play connect the dots on my forehead – I am not happy about it. It's bad, and I even found myself questioning why I insist upon using barely any makeup when clearly I need something a bit more intense right now!
You want to know what’s worse though? My back. That’s right people – I officially have backne. So not cool. And yet another time I find myself being thankful I’m single, because I just don’t know that I could explain to any man that hormonal fluctuations were the totally acceptable reason behind my body breakouts. There is just nothing that makes that not embarrassing.
The other thing that’s gotten worse is my headaches. I can’t quite figure that one out, since I thought that Lupron caused headaches – so you would think those would be getting better and not worse as the Lupron wore off. But this last week I have had the most unbearable headaches (the kinds where you almost can’t see straight and it becomes difficult to concentrate on anything). I have never had headaches in my life, so I know it has to do with my hormones being out of whack. The only thing I can think is that it may have something to do with my add-back. The way this all works is that Lupron is given in 3 month shot intervals. Its purpose is basically to shut off all of your female hormones (and mine were really out of control before I went on the Lupron. The pill wasn’t doing a lick of good.) I’ve been told that your hormone levels actually dip lower on Lupron than they do in menopause, because even in menopause you maintain some hormone balance. That’s why a lot of doctors prescribe an add-back alongside Lupron (mine is Norethindrone – I call it my “happy” pill, because my mood swings really haven't been that bad – unless I am completely oblivious and everyone around me has been talking about what a jerk I’ve been behind my back!) The add-back adds back (clever, huh!) the good hormones that don’t encourage endo growth, so that you at least have something going on hormonally. It’s supposed to keep you from completely losing it! But, you take that in a nightly pill. I’m wondering if, as my last Lupron shot is wearing off, the fact that I’m still taking the add-back (and therefore, altering that hormonal balance that would be optimal) is what is causing the headaches. I’m actually really hoping they will go away with my next shot.
My energy level is back though, and I feel like I can function full days again without wanting a nap, so that’s good. It feels nice to not be dragging myself through life every day in the hopeful anticipation of collapsing into my bed as soon as humanly possible. I also haven’t thrown up in at least a month, and that should have been my first indication that things were dying down. I know nausea isn’t a symptom everyone gets, but for me it was the worst. I had trouble holding anything down that first few weeks after the last shot. Then, even as it got better, it would still sneak up on me out of nowhere when I thought I was in the clear. I’m really hoping I won’t have to deal with that again this next go-round, because it’s been nice to eat without fear this last month!
The biggest indication though? I have been freezing lately! No hot flashes, and no waking up drenched in my own sweat. In fact, I’ve been waking up shivering because I haven’t actually turned my heat back up to a normal level (knowing I’m just going to want to turn it down again in a few days anyway).
For the most part (besides the headaches and the acne situation, which just has me feeling like I’m getting punished for having perfect skin when I actually was a hormonal teenager!) I am feeling almost 100% back to being myself. This is why I logically knew today (after I noticed my free-flowing juices and it dawned on me that I have been feeling quite good the last few weeks), that clearly it must be time for round two! One shot, every 3 months, for one year. Those were the rules. I knew what I was signing up for, and I am so thankful that I have had an easier time on Lupron than a lot of women do (I am telling you – I have heard women tell the worst horror stories about this drug. My side effects aren’t great, but I can absolutely endure them.) Of course, in my head I would have put up with almost anything side-effect wise as long as it bought me more time. At least now I know that if I can get through the first 2 months, the last month get’s increasingly better!
I did decide to do the pee test, so tomorrow I will be lying low and collecting every last drop of my urine. I got a call this week that the ANP who specializes in infertility and alternative treatments (the one whose practice was full and I wasn’t sure would be willing to take me on) has agreed to treat me – even before seeing the results of this test. That sealed the deal for me. I’ve heard great things about her and her abilities in this field. I figured I owe it to myself to at least see what she has to say and find out if she thinks she can help me.
Maybe I’ll even get lucky and she’ll have some fail-proof way to counteract the side effects of the Lupron – at all stages of potency! I would love to rid myself of the nausea, and fatigue; the headaches and acne.
I wouldn’t even mind finding out if she could somehow keep the juices flowing.
You know... just in case!
ADSPACE
